


Enjoy The Silence

by Reijin_Hakumei



Series: Depeche Mode [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cock Rings, Discipline, Dom/sub, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Light Bondage, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Vibrator Insertion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:07:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23689687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reijin_Hakumei/pseuds/Reijin_Hakumei
Summary: Yukio is hopelessly in love with his classmate. The problem is, he hasn't had a single conversation with him. And he's terrified of speaking in general. Can a new friendship help him find his voice? And will Toshiro wait for him to find it?Excerpt:He couldn’t even talk to him.Yukio had nothing to offer.  He wasn’t funny.  He wasn’t especially attractive, spending most of his free time in front of screens meant he was pretty out of shape.  He was rail thin cause he didn’t eat much (that would take time away from gaming after all), and he was still short.  Even Hitsugaya had overtaken him in height.  His hair was always messy beneath his hat and he tended to slouch slightly, standing or sitting.  He was intelligent, yes, but what did that matter when you couldn’t communicate?When your only good quality was locked inside?Hitsugaya was beyond beautiful, smart, witty, gentle, confident, and kind.  And Yukio didn’t play games he couldn’t win.But the longing remained.
Relationships: Hitsugaya Toushirou/Yukio Hans Vorarlberna, Kuchiki Rukia/Kurosaki Ichigo
Series: Depeche Mode [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740061
Comments: 64
Kudos: 42
Collections: YukiShiro Ship Week and Archive





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LethanWolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LethanWolf/gifts).



Author’s note: This is going to be short cause I know most don’t read these.

I don’t own Bleach. Phew, I’m glad I got that off my chest.

This fic is for LethanWolf. Thanks for getting me writing again :)

***Enjoy the Silence***

“Yukio! Welcome back!”

One emerald eye glanced up from the screen he’d been assessing, the other covered by his long side-swept bangs, moving from movie listings to focus on deep violet. The girl behind the counter was smiling warmly, encouragingly almost. The boy nodded slightly, emerald flashing to the nametag on her shirt before replying, “Rukia, right?”

The girl, Rukia, nodded encouragingly. “It’s good to see you again. How have you been?”

Emerald flashed down at the screen before reluctantly returning to violet. “Fine.”

Rukia seemed to giggle a bit before asking, “Well, what will it be tonight?”

This time the emerald eye managed to stay on violet. “Endgame.”

“Again? Isn’t two weeks in a row enough?” Rukia responded, highly amused. All she earned was a slight shrug in return. Undeterred, she asked, “same seat?” She looked up to catch the slight nod, having expected the movement. She held out her hand for the credit card expectantly, which was given. The one emerald eye focused on the ticket dispenser then followed the printed ticket, reaching for it and the return of his card, only to widen slightly when Rukia jerked it back and up.

“Answer one question first, why?”

The boy froze then glanced around. No one was around them. It was a Wednesday night, slow, and he was early, between showing times. This was on purpose of course. He meant to arrive when the cinema was as empty as possible, but it also meant that there was no one behind him in line and Rukia thus had no reason to rush in returning his card and ticket.

Multiple responses seemed to swarm his head, including counter responses from Rukia. All the while, laughter echoed endlessly. One emerald eye dulled slightly as this happened and silence reigned between them. Rukia held fast though, encouraging smile never wavering, and simply waited him out.

For two minutes.

Until,

“It’s the best one showing right now,” Yukio finally managed shakily.

Rukia beamed. “Well that’s true,” she said brightly, handing over her hostages. Yukio received them with a relieved sigh.

“See you tomorrow?”

Slight nod.

“Have a good time!” She waved him off as he went to the designated theater, by passing the concessions, a single emerald eye focused on his destination. He sat in his usual spot, back left corner, furthest from the screen and door. He immediately retrieved his 3DS and returned to his game, finally starting to relax in the familiarity.

To say Yukio had social anxiety would have been an understatement. Yukio was not anxious of social interactions. Yukio was _terrified_ of social interactions. When he was younger he had been bullied for his odd looks. Soft blonde hair, emerald eyes, and tiny. The first two attributes were very uncommon in Japan and the third made him an easy target. His family was from Germany but had moved to Japan for business when he was in primary school. He had an accent, of course, and it took him a while to learn the language. Every time he tried to speak, his fellow classmates had laughed at him. He eventually became fluent but by that point the damage had been done. He now held a deep fear of speaking, laughter ringing in his ears with every word he uttered.

Video games were easy. They were an escape, a life that he could dive into. A place where he could be someone respected and listened to. Well… At least vicariously. They were more engaging than reading to him because he had to actually maneuver the character around and make decisions. He sunk deeper into his seat, curling slightly and enjoying the empty theater while he had it.

Eventually the theater started to fill, though not very. It was a slow night after all. Everyone chose the middle seats of course, far away from Yukio’s sanctuary. He couldn’t hear them, bluetooth headphones obscured by his hair and hat filling his ears with the audio from his game. But he forced himself to look around every so often, reminding himself he was technically in public.

Because Yukio knew that his fear wasn’t healthy. He knew he needed exposure, to be in public and have other experiences to balance the bad. To have normal interactions with normal conversations and normal reactions. That’s why he had moved to Karakura town after passing the entrance exam for Seireitei Senior High School, a top school his parents approved of that was as far away from his old classmates as he could get. And, consequently, his parents, but that was no great loss. They pretty much acted like he didn’t exist anyway as long as his grades were perfect. He lived in his own flat now due to the distance from home and he thought that all these changes would fix him somehow.

That was two years ago and all he’d managed to accomplish was having a short daily conversation with Rukia. A conversation where he usually already knew the script.

He had actually improved though, he reminded himself. At first he would just point at what he wanted without speaking at all. Rukia must have thought he was bizarre all those months ago when he first started coming here regularly but somehow, she seemed to understand, at least on some level that he was trying and it was difficult for him. So instead of teasing she encouraged.

She would ask yes/no questions at first that he could non-verbally respond to. She was always patient and as he never came when there would have been other people to help, she could afford to be without pressure. Overtime she would ask easy questions that would require him to speak, such as which film he wanted to see, and slowly he found himself able to answer. He was proud of their conversation today and he smiled slightly, amused at how pathetic that seemed yet still proud nonetheless.

The movie started and he turned his screen brightness all the way down so as not to bother the other movie watchers. Rukia was right about how many times he had seen this particular movie. The movie wasn’t why he came here.

He came here partially for the forced social interaction.

Partially to have his conversation with Rukia.

But mostly for Toshiro Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya-taicho was two years younger than Rukia and Yukio but he was so smart he was in their class. He was also captain of the soccer team at school which made him popular. He was well-mannered, polite yet stern with his few close friends, and very respected. When Yukio had first seen him, he was also slightly shorter than Yukio with even odder coloring, spiky white hair and bright teal eyes. But no one teased him, at least not in the way Yukio had experienced. His friends did on occasion, in good fun, but there was no heat in it. No intention to cause pain.

Yukio had admired him from the first week he transferred and at first, he started watching Hitsugaya’s interactions with others as a source of instruction. Even back then, at age 13, Hitsugaya was flawless in his social interactions. The age difference with his peers didn’t seem to matter. He was more eloquent than them but never arrogant. He was simply a natural leader, seemingly knowing what the right response was for every situation. He had a slightly cold demeanor, in fact Yukio had never heard him laugh, but he honestly listened when having conversations with others. He was present in the moment, gave great advice and insight, and made others feel listened to.

Some would probably think that it was Hitsugaya’s genius brain that helped him navigate these interactions so deftly. However Yukio had been observing for a long time now. And Yukio understood something that only Hitsugaya’s closest friends seemed to catch on to.

Underneath that cold, perfect exterior, Hitsugaya was unfailingly kind.

And the moment Yukio came to that realization was the moment he fell in love with him.

Which was an utterly stupid thing to do.

Now, where there was once admiration only, longing crept in. He wanted to be the one Hitsugaya listened to. He wanted to be the one to bring small smiles and soft words to his lips. He just knew Hitsugaya would care for him, would take care of him, would heal him little by little.

But he had never spoken to Hitsugaya and, at this rate, likely never would. Hitsugaya was 15 now and starting to fill out. He’d grown a bit since that first year, now just slightly taller than Yukio. Soccer kept the boy in ridiculously good shape, Yukio being lucky enough to catch glimpses at games. Which of course, he never missed.

There was no way Hitsugaya was going to remain single much longer. He knew for a fact that both Ichigo Kurosaki and Sojiro Kusaka, both tall and incredibly handsome in their own way, including being fellow soccer teammates, were more than interested. Hitsugaya always turned them down and never led them on, but how long would that last? Eventually, through persistence alone, one of them would wear him down. How could Yukio ever hope to compete with that?

He couldn’t even talk to him.

Yukio had nothing to offer. He wasn’t funny. He wasn’t especially attractive, spending most of his free time in front of screens meant he was pretty out of shape. He was rail thin cause he didn’t eat much (that would take time away from gaming after all), and he was still short. Even Hitsugaya had overtaken him in height. His hair was always messy beneath his hat and he tended to slouch slightly, standing or sitting. He was intelligent, yes, but what did that matter when you couldn’t communicate?

When your only good quality was locked inside?

Hitsugaya was beyond beautiful, smart, witty, gentle, confident, and kind. And Yukio didn’t play games he couldn’t win.

But the longing remained.

So when Hitsugaya started working at the theater with his friend Rukia several months ago, Yukio became a regular on Mondays through Thursdays, the days Hitsugaya just so happened to work. And Rukia, coincidentally. Yukio shuddered to think what a mess he’d be trying to talk with a different person at the ticket counter every night. Rukia was comfortable to him now after these last few months and even though conversing with her was still difficult, at least with one person, he’d managed to find his voice again.

The lights in the theater flickered on, indicating the end of the post-credits scene. Yukio stayed in his corner as everyone else filed out, animatedly talking about the movie. He remained after the door shut, his 3DS still out but not really focused on it. He had turned the volume off and his focus was on his peripheral vision, waiting for the door to open again. It did about 30 seconds later, Toshiro Hitsugaya entering with a broom in one hand and a trash bag with cleaning materials in the other.

Yukio’s heart rate sped up, he couldn’t help it. They were the only two in the room, something that simply didn’t happen in any other circumstance.

Hitsugaya ignored him, going to the front of the theater and cleaning down the seats while sweeping the floor. He was ridiculously efficient, the task obviously beneath someone of his capabilities, but performed diligently and expertly all the same. He also hummed softly as he did this, never the same tune and Yukio wasn’t sure Hitsugaya realized he was doing it.

Yukio watched while keeping his eye on the screen in front of him. His peripheral vision working overtime but he was a gamer, he was used to using it. Eventually, Hitsugaya came to his row, starting at the right like he always did, making his way towards Yukio. When he reached him Hitsugaya paused, his humming coming to an end. Yukio remained fixated on his screen and waited.

A gentle finger tapped his shoulder, followed by a quiet, “excuse me.” Yukio made a point of pausing the game and removing a silent earpiece before his emerald eye looked up into endless teal. “I need you to leave now, I’ll soon open this theater for the next showing.”

Hitsugaya’s face was calm when he said it. Yukio couldn’t find any exasperation, no annoyance, just a simple request and statement of fact. Even if this ritual had been repeated Monday through Thursday for the last couple months. Hitsugaya remained, as always, calm and otherwise expressionless.

Yukio’s heart was beating so fast and loud in his ears he wondered how Hitsugaya possibly couldn’t hear it. Adrenaline made him shake slightly but he attempted a calm nod, indicating that he understood to his fellow classmate.

He stood, not exactly gracefully but not embarrassing himself too much. Hitsugaya watched him for a minute as he vacated the seat then immediately proceeded to finish his cleaning. Yukio’s eye remained focused on the door as he approached but stopped dead along with his heart as Hitsugaya spoke again, altering the ritual that Yukio had come to expect from this interaction.

“See you tomorrow, Vorarlberna-san.”

Yukio turned slightly, one emerald eye glancing back to meet calm teal. Hitsugaya had a hand raised to eye level, his teal eyes locked on Yukio. He waved it slightly then held it there, peacefully watching the slight blonde boy in front of him.

And for a moment, Yukio’s head cleared.

He wasn’t thinking of multiple responses and counter responses.

He didn’t hear the echo of laughter.

All he heard was this beautiful boy, addressing him by his last name.

And it sounded wrong.

And for the first time since he could remember, he answered without a thought to the consequences. “Yukio.”

Hitsugaya seemed surprised, his eyebrows lifted slightly. It only lasted a moment though before his face returned to the effortless calm but it was slightly warmer than usual. Yukio knew how to tell. The teal eyes had softened slightly and the corner of his mouth was tighter than usual, like just before a smile.

Yukio watched as the cleaning supplies were set down gently, tracking as Hitsugaya slowly yet calmly approached him, as one would a small animal they were trying not to spook. All the while Yukio’s head remained blissfully quiet, his heart speeding up again rapidly but his mind so fixated on Hitsugaya’s movements that he forgot to panic.

When he reached him, Hitsugaya slowly extended his right hand, which while not odd for Yukio, raised in Germany, must have been an odd gesture for the Japanese boy. But the action didn’t look forced or uneasy, just slow so as not to startle.

“Toshiro,” came the quiet reply. And this particular way of proper introduction was so familiar to Yukio, so comforting and relaxing, tied only to good memories of when he had friends and spoke, and joked, and _laughed_ , that he actually fully turned and took the offered hand.

Toshiro, for that is who he was now to Yukio, actually did smile then. It was small but it was true and Yukio couldn’t look away if he tried. Toshiro didn’t say anything else, somehow aware of this fragile peace he had placed Yukio in. He simply released the hand he had shaken gently, proceeded to the door just a couple steps away, and held it open for Yukio to make his exit, the small smile never leaving his face. Yukio knew, after all, he couldn’t look away.

After a minute that smile grew slightly, teal eyes gaining a bit of amusement and Yukio realized he had been staring for entirely too long. He shook himself a bit and left through the held door, nodding to Toshiro one last time before tearing his gaze from teal eyes and making his way to exit the cinema.

Only to be stopped by Rukia.

“Yukio, hey, come here a sec before you go!”

The front of the cinema was empty again, the lull in between showings that Yukio appreciated and took advantage of. Usually. Except when Rukia used it against him. Sighing slightly after a moment of hesitation he changed his course coming to stand where he usually did during their interactions.

“I need your help,” Rukia stated, almost conspiratorially. Yukio stared back at her, becoming slightly anxious and missing the peace that Toshiro had somehow brought to his mind.

“I need a shopping partner Friday after school and I can’t take any of my usual friends but I really need a second opinion. You’d just need to come along and nod yes and no. You wouldn’t need to talk if you don’t want to.”

Surprisingly, the last statement actually made Yukio consider this. He would be being social, technically, and he trusted Rukia by now to not force him into a conversation he wasn’t comfortable having. And honestly, he was feeling exceptionally brave after his interaction with Toshiro just minutes before.

He must have been considering it for a while though, his face giving nothing away, because Rukia interrupted his thoughts with, “Please Yukio! I really need you for this!” her violet eyes big and pleading, mouth quivering and everything.

Yukio, amused and still holding onto a bit of Toshiro’s peace, actually verbally responded.

“Sure.”

Rukia beamed. She even did a little jump and threw her fist into the air.

“YES! Thank you sooooo much Yukio. I’ll meet you outside school on Friday. I can drive us. Sound okay?”

Yukio simply gave his customary nod, smiling slightly now too. She waved him out as he took his leave and Yukio couldn’t help a bit of hope creeping into his shattered heart.

Maybe he wasn’t hopeless after all.

Maybe, just maybe…

He could be fixed.


	2. Chapter 2

“I am soooo glad I’m not working tonight!” Rukia exclaimed as she walked around the mall, Yukio trailing after her. “You realize that Detective Pikachu was released today? I’m glad I dodged that bullet.”

Yukio didn’t answer her but he knew that she wasn’t expecting one. It was funny to him, at school Rukia seemed like one of the more reserved students but she seemed really comfortable talking to him. She said that she trusted him. Yukio felt that trust was a bit unearned as he hadn’t really interacted with her other than their daily discussions at the cinema ticket counter.

Then again, it wasn’t as if he was going to tell anyone what she said no matter how well acquainted they were so perhaps she had a point.

“What about this?” Rukia asked, holding up a pocket knife. Yukio took it from her, taking the time to examine it for a moment, then returned it with a shake of his head. Rukia didn’t look disappointed and continued her search.

She was looking for an anniversary present. A six month anniversary present. Her six month anniversary… of dating Ichigo.

Yukio had been very confused at first. Ichigo asked Toshiro out almost daily, and rather publicly at school. Rukia had confided in him during the car ride over.

~Earlier~

“I’m not allowed to date. My brother said I wasn’t allowed to until I turn 18. That’s who I live with, by the way. It’s just us and he’s super protective. Ichigo said he was fine with waiting but I kinda pushed him into this. It’s super hard though. We have nowhere we can hang out as boyfriend and girlfriend. Most of our conversations are over the phone. We can’t even hang out at his place because his sisters get home from school before our classes are released and obviously my place isn’t an option. The only other person that knows is Toshiro but he doesn’t like having people over very often… Anyway, I tried to make him a card for our 3 month anniversary and he laughed at it! He asked if I had enlisted a five year old to illustrate it!” Rukia gave a small huff. “Last time I gift him with my drawings. Byakuya says I have real talent. Ichigo just doesn’t know what real artistry is.”

Yukio had so many questions. And there was only one way he was going to get any of them answered. He would need to ask Rukia. But asking meant talking and he was struggling between fear and need. Because Toshiro seemed to be involved in this somehow and Yukio needed to know how. He now knew that Rukia and Ichigo were dating, or at least trying to date more like, but Ichigo acted like he was head over heels for his younger captain at school. It didn’t make any sense.

Rukia sighed as she parked the car. “So that’s why I need your help Yukio. Toshiro would never agree to spend the day shopping with me and no one else can know. Honestly, even Toshiro knowing wasn’t exactly planned but I don’t think anything gets past that kid.” She looked over at him and gave him a warm smile. “I’m trusting you with this. I can count on you, right?”

He still had so many questions but his visible emerald eye met with violet as he nodded. Rukia had been nothing but kind to him, of course he’d keep her secret and help her out.

Her smile turned into a grin and she moved to exit the car, halting as Yukio grabbed her sleeve before she could open it. She sat back and looked at him. He was still in his seat belt, his eye diverted to the side, biting his bottom lip. Rukia realized what was happening after witnessing it countless times at the cinema. He was trying to say something. She relaxed back in her seat, her hand clasping the one on her arm gently and smiled at him encouragingly, the same smile she always gave him as he searched for words, and simply waited.

They were haulting when they came but Yukio forced them out, “Why, Ichigo and Toshiro, every day…”

“Oh!” Rukia exclaimed as she realized what he was getting at, “You’re asking about Ichigo always asking Toshiro out on dates right?”

Yukio gave her a very relieved smile that he didn’t need to say anymore to get his question across and nodded.

“Well, there’s a couple reasons. At first it started because Kusaka just wouldn’t leave the poor kid alone. He practically stalked him when he first came to our school. Toshiro was 13, Yukio, 13! Ichigo could see how uncomfortable Kusaka made Toshiro, they are all on the soccer team together after all. So he decided to relieve the tension by declaring his own love for Toshiro and saying that no one could have him because Toshiro was saving himself for Ichigo.”

Rukia laughed, seemingly caught up in the memory. “Toshiro caught on quick, of course. He knew exactly what Ichigo was doing. But the point was that it made Kusaka’s advances look ridiculous so he went along with it.” She was actually laughing now and Yukio smiled as he realized that he didn’t mind the sound, at least when it was Rukia laughing. “He even flirts back sometimes and Ichigo congratulates him on accepting his love. It’s gone on so long now, everytime Kusaka tries to say anything to Toshiro the whole team gets on him about trying to steal him away from Ichigo!”

Rukia eventually calmed down and smiled warmly at Yukio. “Toshiro has been with us so long, some people forget he’s still just 15 even though the rest of our year is 17. I don’t think Toshiro is ready for any kind of romantic relationship, even if he did like someone. He’s really focused on school and has already started applying for colleges. He’s not looking for some highschool romance and Kusaka’s an idiot.

“Now the whole thing doubles as a convenient distraction so people don’t figure out he’s actually dating me… well except obviously it didn’t work on Toshiro. Somehow he knew by the end of our first week. The kid is scary sometimes. He’s a good friend though!” she ended, smiling brightly again.

Yukio nodded so she knew that he understood and then followed her out of the car.

~Present~

“How about this?” This time she had brought back a katana. Yukio took it from her to inspect then returned it again. With his hands he motioned in front of him, spreading them out to match the length of the sword.

“Too big?” Rukia asked, interpreting the motion. Yukio nodded.

“But otherwise you think he’d like it?”

Another nod.

“Hmmmm… I know!”

When she bounced back to him this time it was with a necklace. The cord was simple, black, but the pendant was a katana. It was tiny but you could actually remove it from the sheath that was attached to the cord.

This time after his inspection Yukio nodded to her. He thought it would suit Ichigo, from the little he knew about him, and it would also be something discreet he could keep on him from Rukia, considering the nature of their relationship.

Rukia skipped over to the counter to pay, returning to Yukio’s side shortly after. “So, anything you need?”

Yukio shook his head. He was starting to feel drained being surrounded by so many people, even without talking.

“You want to get out of here?”

Nod.

“Alright! I’ll take you home! Here,” Rukia handed him her phone after unlocking it and turning on Maps. “just type in your address. That way you don’t have to worry about giving me directions.”

Yukio did so as they returned to her car, touched that she had thought of this. He was starting to realize how much he appreciated the petite ravenette. She was a bit silly and kinda pushy, but she was so considerate with him. He felt very fortunate in that moment to have met her and felt glad that he had accepted her offer to join her today.

As Rukia drove them to his little apartment, Yukio wondered if there was anything he could do for her. She may not understand or realize it, but she had been helping him for months now. He realized that he wanted her to consider him a friend. Maybe she already did, if today was any indication. He wanted to do something for her, to help her out. And then he realized he could.

He lived alone.

“We’re here! Right?” Rukia looked over at him after parking the car.

Yukio nodded then grabbed her sleeve again like before. Rukia waited for him calmly. Eventually he tugged a bit at the sleeve and questioned, “inside?”

Rukia seemed surprised but grinned brightly. “You’re inviting me in?”

Yukio nodded.

“Sure! Let me just text my brother so he knows where I am. That alright?”

Another nod.

Rukia was quick with the text then followed him in. Yukio’s apartment was small but that was how he preferred it, less to take care of. His family was really well off but Yukio didn’t feel any need to be surrounded by it like he had growing up. He preferred living simply like this, it was more comfortable to him.

Yukio showed Rukia around, letting her get the layout. The door opened into a living room that had two loveseats cornered together, not quite large enough to fit a full couch, small end tables on each side and a soft rug between them. A kitchen with a small, round, dining room table was to the right. There were only two chairs but it looked large enough for four. Down the hall he opened the door on the right to show her the bathroom followed by the door on the left to his bedroom.

The small bedroom didn’t have much in it, his bed was full size as even a queen would have overwhelmed the small room. He prefered it to the more traditional tatami futons. He just didn’t sleep well on them. The only other visible furniture in the room was a desk with a custom built desktop beside it and accompanying chair.

Rukia gasped and skipped over to it. “This is so cool! Did you build it yourself?”

Yukio smiled and nodded at her.

“That’s awesome! I didn’t realize you were good with things like this! I know who to turn to when I need computer help now.”

Yukio looked a bit bemused over her excitement, shaking his head at her. “Sure,” he agreed quietly. She grinned up at him, having kneeled next to the desktop to look at the components through the glass. He waved at her to follow him and she did so.

He led her back to the living room, gesturing to one of the loveseats and she sat down. “Tea?” he asked, his voice still quiet but clear.

“Yes, please, thank you!” Rukia kept her smile as she watched him start the kettle in the kitchen, filling it and leaving it to heat on the stove.

He returned to sit near her on the other loveseat, his back against an arm, legs stretched out and facing her, relaxing into the familiar surroundings.

“You’re a lot more comfortable here,” Rukia noted as she observed him.

Yukio kept his breathing steady, determined to be verbal at home. This was Rukia, she was safe, and this was his space. “Yes.” His reply was soft but it was better than a simple head nod. Progress.

“Thank you again for today, you helped a lot.”

“I’m glad.” Yukio had closed his eyes, just focusing on Rukia’s voice. It seemed easier to respond this way, less intimidating. It helped greatly to know that Rukia wasn’t pressuring him, wasn’t really expecting him to reply. She was just giving him opportunities. To have a normal interaction, normal conversation, normal reactions.

Which reminded him of his idea.

“I wanted…” he started, remembering to keep his breathing calm and to not over analyze his words, “I wanted to offer you, my home. To use. If you need.”

He looked over at Rukia to gauge her reaction but she just looked a bit confused. “What do you mean?”

He took another breath to steady himself a bit.

“Ichigo.”

It took a few seconds for Rukia to understand what he meant then she squealed and tackled him on the loveseat, hugging him tightly as she gushed, “Are you serious?! You mean this Yukio?” She released him quickly, apparently realizing what she had just done with the stand-offish boy. “Sorry, just, you really mean it?”

Yukio was honestly a bit overwhelmed but he forced his breathing calm again, his heart rate returning to normal.

“Yes. You… you don’t understand how… grateful I am. I want to help.”

Rukia was beaming and hugged him again, far calmer this time, “Thank you Yukio. I think I get what you're trying to say and honestly you don’t have to thank me.” She pulled away, her hands on his shoulders, violet eyes locking with emerald, smiling with affection. “You have no idea how amazing you are Yukio. How inspiring it is to see you face this. I may not understand why or how this happened to you but watching you improve… it’s just amazing. I’m happy just being a part of it. You don’t need to repay me, I don’t feel like I’ve done anything other than try to be your friend and that’s not a chore. I wanted to.”

Yukio couldn’t believe how much affection was flooding his heart for this spirited girl. He smiled and shook his head fondly. “That’s why. I want to too.”

Rukia must have understood that because she gave him another quick hug then returned to the other loveseat but she was still a bit bouncy. “This is so exciting, you have no idea! Ichigo and I haven’t been able to just relax as a couple anywhere. I’ll be sure to keep him in line so he doesn’t pressure you at all into talking, don’t worry.” She had a slightly sadistic grin as she said this last part and Yukio shivered a bit at the expression. He didn’t doubt her a bit.

The tea began to whistle and Yukio went to fetch it, Rukia calling to him that she only wanted milk added, returning a moment later and offering Rukia her cup. Rukia seemed to be studying the entertainment system, noticing the switch and then kneeled to look at the games next to it. She plucked Overcooked 2 from the stack then gazed back at Yukio.

“Up for a game?”

Yukio grinned and tossed her a controller.

And as they played, tea cooling, forgotten, Yukio heard himself reacting to the screen without thought, without care. He gasped when he panicked, laughed when Rukia accidently threw away an entire entree, yelled at her when she got in his way, and groaned when they didn’t quite get three stars, immediately starting the level over again with a grin.

He had forgotten this feeling.

He hadn’t been sure he was still capable of it.

And he could tell, he could feel it, he knew he was starting to heal.

And now, for the first time in a long time, his heart didn’t feel completely hollow.

He had a friend.


	3. Chapter 3

“No way you’re scoring against me Toshiro!”

“That’s Hitsugaya-taicho to you, Kurosaki!”

The soccer ball slammed into the back of the net after curving viciously just out of the long reach of the team’s primary goalkeeper.

“Damn it Toshiro! I almost had you that time.”

“You’re delusional Kurosaki if you think you could ever take me.”

“Oh I’d take you all right…”

Knowing what he knew now, this was immensely more funny. Yukio was watching the soccer team’s practice from the bleachers, as usual. He had out his 3DS but he was more focused on the field and listening to the banter between the captain and his goalkeeper.

“We’re going to run it again! Kurosaki, this time make sure you’re watching the ball, not the player!”

“I’ll try taicho but I’m not making any promises.”

Now that he knew what he was looking for, Yukio could clearly see the amusement on both their faces. Toshiro didn’t even look embarrassed, perhaps a bit annoyed but mostly just amused. Ichigo rarely was able to block Toshiro’s shots - the young genius never repeated the same shot in a game so he was near impossible to read - and it was clear that Toshiro wasn’t really expecting him to. But he was expecting him to try his hardest. You never know, everyone can get lucky.

As for Ichigo, the tall orangenette (Yukio wasn’t convinced that was a word but honestly what else did you call someone with such vibrant orange hair?) was clearly having fun. Yukio was amazed he didn’t realize it before. He could tell Ichigo really cared about Toshiro but there wasn’t a bit of real sexual tension behind it. This was just two friends that lived to get under each other's skin. Yukio was left not only feeling relieved but very warm towards the goalkeeper. His eyes caught a flash of silver of the small katana around his neck and he gave a small grin. It seemed Rukia had chosen well and Yukio was glad for his new friend.

As if summoned by his thoughts, the ravennette plopped down next to him with her usual energy. “Hey Yukio, watching the game?”

Yukio’s eyes reflexively darted around them but they were alone in the bleachers and were far too high up to be heard by the team below.

“Yes,” he managed, his voice still soft regardless.

“You come a lot don’t you? I think I’ve seen you like _every time_ I’ve dropped by.”

Yukio shrugged at his friend. Explaining would be way too embarrassing and take way too many words.

“Hmmm… I’m sure of it. Do you like the sport? I could ask Toshiro if you wanted to try out for the team, you know. Or…” she grinned suddenly and slyly “...is it something else that has you watching every practice?”

Yukio blushed, burying himself into his game.

“Ha! I knew it!” Rukia exclaimed with excitement. “Ah, Yukio has a crush! That’s adorable!”

Yukio was close to panicking and starting to hyperventilate a bit. Rukia caught on immediately though and rushed to calm him.

“Hey, it’s okay Yukio, don’t worry about it. I’m not teasing you - hell I’m here for the same thing.” She said the last with a chuckle and patted his arm comfortingly. “So I’m the last person to judge. You being here does give me a convenient excuse though…” 

Yukio finally looked at her, breathing mostly back under control, his one visible eyebrow raised in question.

“Well now I can claim I’m just hanging out with you while I get to stare as much as I want at Ichigo of course!” she said brightly, her face all smiles.

Yukio returned her smile a bit, shaking his head. 

“Seriously though,” Rukia said more softly, “I won’t tell anyone about why you’re here. You know I’d never gossip to others about you right? You’re my friend Yukio, and friends protect each other.”

Yukio honestly didn’t know what to do with this affirmation so he settled for simply nodding. He hoped she was telling the truth and he honestly believed her deep down. He just hadn’t had friends in so long it was difficult to trust anyone. He was trying with Rukia though and he thought he was making some good progress.

“So…” Rukia’s determined smile was back, the same one she used when asking a new question at the cinema and Yukio was suddenly dreading whatever was coming next. “Are you going to tell me who has you up here every practice watching their games?”

Yukio averted his eyes. He wanted to be honest with Rukia, he wanted to open up to her, but this was just too personal. And honestly, he felt, doomed anyway. Rukia had just told him last week that Toshiro wasn’t looking for any romantic relationship, that he was focused on getting into college. Even if something did happen he’d probably just lose him when the year was over anyway. No, it was far better to keep this locked up tight where no one could find it. Still, he almost felt guilty about not saying anything to Rukia.

Rukia’s eyes softened and leaned over, gently embracing the blonde youth. “It’s okay, really. I should have realized not to push you with this, you practically panicked the first time. I understand.” She pulled away, violet locking with emerald, smiling softly and encouragingly. “This is probably really difficult for you. You probably haven’t spoken with him at all, have you?” 

Yukio glanced to the side. Their brief interaction in the theater didn’t seem like it should count as any kind of real conversation. “Not really,” he responded softly. There, he admitted he had a crush without giving away who that crush was on. 

Rukia nodded, “That makes sense and you’ve probably convinced yourself that you never will so it doesn’t matter anyway. But know this Yukio,” her eyes got a determined glint to them, “you’ve come a long way since you started coming to the cinema so don’t give up hope. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I know you will. And I’ll wait however long you need. I just want you to know I’m here for you and I’ll even help if I can.”

The smile Yukio gave her was equal parts happy and sad and Rukia couldn’t help but hug him again. She let go soon after, cheerfully beginning a commentary on the team’s plays below, with plenty of comments on Ichigo’s body as he dove for the ball sprinkled in.

Yukio listened and laughed lightly at her lame jokes and slightly lewd remarks towards Ichigo. Mostly though he was lost in thought. If only it were as simple as Rukia made it seem. If only he had to gather the courage and talk to Toshiro. But Toshiro was still too young to date seriously, Yukio realized that. He’d been living with that fact for months now. Not that it mattered that much when he couldn’t talk to him anyway.

They were only two years apart in age and Toshiro was exceedingly mature, more so than most of their year, but that didn’t make him physically older. And by this time next year they’d all be doing their own things, either working or going to college or both. By the time Toshiro was ready to seriously date, Yukio wouldn’t be around anymore. Someone else would take that role. It hurt but Yukio was resigned to it by now. Rukia just didn’t understand how hopeless this crush was and that, despite her offer, there was really nothing she could do to help.

“Are you still sure it’s okay for Ichigo and I to come over after his practice on Friday?”

Yukio gave her one of his more firm nods. He didn’t want her to think he was having second thoughts. He was nervous, obviously, he barely knew Ichigo. But he trusted Rukia and thought that this would not only help her out but him as well. He should probably try to become more comfortable talking to more than just one person.

Practice was coming to an end, Toshiro calling them over for a meeting on the far side of the field where Yukio couldn’t hear.

“I should get ready for work, shift starts in 30 minutes. I’ll see you there right?” Rukia questioned, standing up.

Yukio nodded, also standing.

“Do you know what you’ll see today?”

Yukio forced out the words, though the pauses between them still made the sentence very strained, “I heard… Detective… Pikachu… was out… now.”

Rukia laughed brightly, “I wonder who told you that!” She turned towards the field again to see the boys breaking up and starting to head off the field. “Oy! Toshiro! Don’t take too long! I’m not covering for you if you’re late because you take too long in the shower!”

Those teal eyes turned towards the bleachers as if just noticing they had an audience today, locking on emerald before sliding over to violet with a lazy smile. “My shift doesn’t start until an hour after yours, of which you’re well aware Rukia. Also, I’m never late.” He turned sharply as he left the field, his white hair bouncing lightly at the move. Yukio caught himself wishing to know what it felt like, if those strands would feel as soft and silky as they looked. Then he quickly berated himself for the thought. He was supposed to be letting this go and that was definitely counter productive.

Rukia was at the ground now, watching him with amusement and a bit of a worrisomely knowing glint in her violet eyes. Yukio pocketed his 3DS and joined her, light blush still on his face from when Toshiro had briefly glanced at him. God he had it bad.

Rukia didn’t push though when he reached her, just saying that she’d see him later with that bright smile of hers and then dashing off to work.

Yukio headed home. He didn’t really like wearing his school uniform to the cinema and his small apartment was on the way anyway, just a block from the school. After a quick shower and more comfortable clothes - not that it mattered when he always wore his long black coat over them - he made his way to the cinema.

The front was empty, as usual for the odd time he had arrived, and Rukia waved him over from the ticket counter.

“Detective Pikachu, right?”

“Yes.”

“Same seat?”

“Yes.”

“I haven’t seen it yet so I expect you to give me a review later, okay?”

Yukio was slightly startled, waiting on his ticket after having handed over his card. “Review?”

“Yes. I expect it to be thorough as well,” Rukia said with a wink. She handed his card and ticket over but held on to it as she said, “though, you can send it in a text, I suppose.” 

Yukio nodded with a slight smile and she released her captives. “Friday,” he said after a few seconds.

She looked surprised then smiled brightly. “I’ll look forward to it! No pressure though, seriously. Don’t feel like you need to, I don’t want to pressure you.”

Yukio nodded again. He understood what she was doing. She was granting him more opportunities to be social, to express himself. He appreciated it and only felt a slight bit of apprehension. He had till Friday to think about it and it was only Monday now. And if he didn’t feel comfortable with talking, she had given him a way out of that too.

He offered her a smile and small wave, making his way to the theatre to take his normal seat, curling into it and pulling out his 3DS like usual.

He watched the movie this time, he usually would the first couple times, and it kept him entertained. He paid a bit more attention than usual, thinking of the review he would give Rukia later in the week.

When the lights went back up and people shuffled out he stayed in his seat, 3DS back out, like always, and waited for Toshiro to conduct his cleaning of the theatre. He wasn’t disappointed when a few minutes after the last person had left his crush entered, loaded down with his usual cleaning supplies. 

As he peripherally watched the white haired boy diligently doing his job, listening to that constant yet soothing humming, he wondered if he should keep doing this to himself, waiting on purpose to be asked to leave. It was extremely nerve racking, anticipating those words from Toshiro. But they were the only words the boy had ever directed at the shy blonde and so he cherished them. 

He could leave just before Toshiro got to his seat, the cinema would be empty enough again by then for him to slip out without the crowd pressing in on him. And this small ritual they had shared for the past few months did nothing to help his crush on the beautiful boy. 

But Yukio couldn’t bear to give this up. It may have been selfish, and it’s not like Toshiro had a choice in the interaction - he couldn’t ignore him after all because it was his job to make sure the theatre was cleared for the next showing. In truth, it probably didn’t mean anything to him at all. But to Yukio, it was the brightest part of his day. 

This small piece of time that was just theirs and no one else's.

How sad was that? Hopeless.

The gentle finger tapped him on his shoulder, followed by the quiet, “Excuse me.” Yukio went through his practiced motions of pausing his game and removing his silenced earpieces, finally looking into those beautiful teal eyes.

And then Toshiro changed his line.

“I saw you earlier today. You were watching our game with Rukia.”

Yukio didn’t really know what to do. He was panicking, breathing starting to pick up. This wasn’t how their scene went, Toshiro was way off of his script, and Yukio wasn’t handling it well. He didn’t know what his next line was supposed to be. What was he supposed to say? Was that even a question? It hadn’t really sounded like one and Toshiro obviously already knew the answer anyway, so did he even need to respond?

Toshiro was watching him carefully and slowly put his cleaning supplies off to the side as he took the seat next to Yukio.

He turned to him then and held out his hand, saying, “Sorry, let me start over. It’s nice to see you again, Yukio.”

Yukio’s eyes darted between the handsome face and the outstretched hand, trying to calm down. That face gave away little but didn’t appear unkind. Serene. Like he could wait forever and wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest.

Yukio took a deep breath and slowly released it, lightly taking the offered hand. He focused on how Toshiro’s fingers felt wrapped securely around his, how they were cooler than his own yet caused warmth and a sense of calm to overtake him. They were also rough where he was delicate, a consequence of their respective hobbies, but Yukio didn’t mind in the slightest. He could tell how strong Toshiro was, even from just this, and he felt himself falling even more for the beautiful boy. He had been too out of it to notice these details last time the white haired boy had offered his hand and his mind was working overtime to memorize the feeling of his being clasped inside Toshiro’s slightly larger one. 

His thoughts quieted as he focused on the familiar way of greeting, the sensation of warmth coming from their connected hands, and managed to respond softly, “Likewise.”

Toshiro smiled at him and Yukio was lost. He was beyond gorgeous when he smiled, his whole face softened, the cold mask he usually wore melted away. Yukio felt their hands being lowered to the arm rest between them but Toshiro hadn’t released him yet and Yukio couldn’t pull away in that moment even if he had tried.

“Did you enjoy watching us play?” Toshiro asked softly, gently.

This was a yes/no question. Yukio could handle this. He nodded, unable to look away from endless teal.

“I’m glad. It’s nice to have an audience, even during practice. It makes me want to perform better.”

Yukio seriously doubted the young captain ever held back on his team. Ever. But somehow the statement made him feel even warmer in his chest and he could feel himself blush.

“I also think Rukia really appreciates having someone to sit with. I know she wants to watch Ichigo but I think she’s always been afraid to actually do so on her own, that someone might gossip something that would get back to her brother. Unfortunately, it’s not a completely unfounded fear.”

Yukio managed to nod again. This he already knew. He was a bit surprised that Toshiro knew that he was in on the secret but then again, he and Rukia were also close friends. She had probably already told him about their time hanging out last Friday. He hadn’t exactly told her not to so he decided he wasn’t that bothered by it. Just because he didn’t have any other friends to inform of new events in his life didn’t mean that Rukia didn’t.

That smile again. Yukio had no idea, no control really, over what his own face was doing. He knew he was blushing though, he could feel the heat, but he couldn’t look away from those teal eyes.

“She told me, what you’re doing for her and Ichigo. I just wanted to tell you that I think it’s very kind of you.”

Yukio just blinked at this comment. He didn’t feel particularly kind about it, he just wanted to help. And being told he was kind by the sweetest person on the planet was just ridiculous. He couldn’t agree with his classmate so he didn’t nod this time.

Toshiro huffed a bit, “You don’t agree, do you?”

A blonde eyebrow raised in surprise. Was he that easy for the boy genius to read? He must be. Then again, Toshiro was always good at social interactions, so he really shouldn’t be surprised that he was an open book to him.

“Well, whether you agree or not it _is_ kind of you and I know they both appreciate it. I just wanted to tell you that.”

Yukio nodded again, this time in acknowledgement. Toshiro stood up then, releasing Yukio’s hand as he did so and Yukio couldn’t help but feel disappointment at the loss. Somehow that connection calmed him down, made his mind stop racing, and brought him a moment of quiet where he wasn’t thinking so critically of his responses. 

He didn’t really understand why it helped him. Perhaps it was just knowing that if Toshiro hadn’t wanted him there he wouldn’t have taken his hand. And maybe that was enough to quell his constant insecurity about forcing his presence onto others, the feeling that he wasn't wanted. That touch, soft yet intentional and completely voluntary, was physical proof that he was wrong.

Toshiro had wanted him there.

Had wanted to talk to him.

Had smiled.

Because of him. 

Yukio shook himself and followed Toshiro to the door, allowing his slightly taller yet younger classmate to hold it open for him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Yukio.” That smile was back and Yukio felt a bit weak.

The blonde boy nodded, his blush an even darker red, as he exited by stepping around Toshiro, making his way toward the exit. Rukia was busy with another customer this time but she waved at him anyway and he nodded in return.

He didn’t really understand what had just happened, why Toshiro had altered the play they had performed for the past few months. Maybe it was just as he said, that he appreciated what Yukio was doing for their mutual friend.

He couldn’t help but remember how gentle, how warm, his hand had felt cradled in Toshiro’s own.

Tomorrow, surely, they would be back on script.

Yukio didn’t know if he felt more relieved or depressed at the thought.


	4. Chapter 4

Yukio had been wrong. Very wrong.

His after school routine had remained the same. After class release he would sit in the bleachers with his 3DS and pretend to focus on it while in reality watching the team. Honestly, who was he kidding at this point? He pretended to focus on it while in reality watching Toshiro. There, he could be honest with himself at least.

However now, about half way through practice, he was regularly joined by Rukia. She would talk to him about his classes and make her increasingly more amusing commentary on the team’s performance. Yukio didn’t vocalize much during these interactions but he enjoyed her company and would even rarely voice a contribution.

“Honestly, we’re lucky we have Toshiro as striker because the rest of the team is mediocre at best,” the ravenette sighed as Toshiro kicked in yet another goal.

“Ichigo… not…”

Violet eyes blinked over at her usually silent partner then laughed, “Yeah, Ichigo is pretty good. He just looks bad against Toshiro but I’ve seen some of their games against the other schools and I know he’s a good goalkeeper. Maybe that’s the case with all of them, they just look slow compared to Toshiro.” She chuckled again. “I’ve heard scouts are going to come to some of the games this year. Poor kid might get fought over. At least that means he’ll probably get a scholarship and I know he needs one, his uncles can’t afford his college. Between soccer and his exam scores though I’m sure he’ll get a full ride.”

“Uncles?”

“Hmm? Oh, you didn’t know? Toshiro lives with his uncles, Shunsui and Jushiro. Jushiro is Toshiro’s biological uncle and Shunsui is Jushiro’s husband. He doesn’t really talk about his family life and I don’t think he’s ever interacted with them at school, even when they come to his games, so I’m not surprised that you didn’t know,” she concluded with a shrug.

“Doesn’t… like?”

“No, he loves them both and they’re honestly great. But they’re also super embarrassing, especially Shunsui, so he’s forbade them from talking to him at school,” Rukia answered with that bright laugh of hers. “That’s also why he doesn’t like having people over. They completely ruin that cold, aloof reputation he’s built,” she finished with a smile.

Yukio also gave a warm smile. He was glad that his crush had a loving homelife that supported him, even if he did find them embarrassing. This information somehow made the petite white headed boy more relatable, being worried about such a mundane thing as family members ruining a well-maintained high school reputation. It was cute. Yukio found himself wondering what type of personality would require Toshiro to put a ban on speaking to him at school though…

Another change was the team itself. With now two people in the stands, occasionally the players would glance up at them. Most of them got bored of this over the course of the week but Ichigo and Toshiro would still look up at them from time to time. This made sense to Yukio, given who his companion was. It still didn’t stop the blush he got though every time teal eyes found emerald.

After practice he would part with Rukia as she rushed off to work and he headed towards home to shower and change before meeting her at the ticket counter. 

“Still Detective Pikachu?”

“Report.”

This response caused another bright laugh from his friend and Yukio smiled. It felt nice, making Rukia laugh. At least someone thought he was funny.

But the largest change by far, the one thing he had been certain of remaining unaltered, was his interaction with Toshiro after the showing.

Yukio still took his usual seat, still waited for the theater to clear before silencing his earpieces, still observed Toshiro through his peripheral vision and listened to him hum as he cleaned.

And Toshiro still would tap him gently on the shoulder to gain his attention, with that soft, “Excuse me,” waiting patiently for 3DS and headphones to be pocketed.

But otherwise, Toshiro seemed to have re-written their script.

He would now set aside his cleaning materials and take the seat next to Yukio, turning to offer his hand.

“It’s nice to see you again, Yukio.”

And Yukio would take that hand, had begun to anticipate being able to do so, relishing in the calming feeling he got from the physical contact, the proof that this beautiful boy actually wanted to talk to him.

And he would always respond to the greeting, “Likewise.”

And then Toshiro would lower their hands to the armrest between them and talk to him, that gentle pressure remaining until some internal clock within him had him stand to lead Yukio out.

Yukio hadn’t been able to say anything past that initial response but Toshiro didn’t seem to expect it and he never asked him anything that would require an answer beyond a yes or no so Yukio didn’t feel pressured to. He mostly talked to him about school, about soccer, about movies Toshiro knows he’s seen, asking if he was doing alright in his studies, if he still enjoyed watching them play, if he enjoyed Rukia’s company. Easy things. And it never lasted long - he was supposed to be working after all. 

To Yukio, these exchanges were a mix of powerful conflicts of emotion. Toshiro’s hand around his provided him a grounding and an immense sense of calm. At the same time, his long-time crush was actually talking to him. On purpose. Intentionally. Initiating, even. The result was relatively calm breaths with a rapid heartbeat, tense shoulders with a relaxed hand, his bottom lip between his teeth and a blush warm on his cheeks but emerald eyes never leaving teal.

He couldn’t help it, the feeling of warmth and comfort he took from these small exchanges. Toshiro’s cold facade melted away in these moments, replaced with a soft warmth that Yukio treasured. He was certain that not many got to see this side, these expressions, from the usually stoic prodigy. It made his heart swell as much as ache. 

He wanted this to mean more, for them to _be_ more, so much. He couldn’t remember anything he wanted more in his life.

Yet he knew they wouldn’t be.

This endless dance, his heart pulled between hope and despair. He didn’t know how much he could endure.

He was surprised though that, apparently, he could endure a lot.

Because he realised he wouldn’t miss these moments for anything in the world. They meant too much to him now.

He really was hopeless.

“Rukia and Ichigo are going to be coming over tomorrow, right?”

Nod.

“Are you excited?”

Lips tense.

“Nervous?”

Nod.

“That’s understandable. Have you even spoken with Ichigo? Or, well, has he spoken to you?”

Shake.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Rukia is good at keeping him in line. Just don’t take anything he says the wrong way. He means well but he’s rather brash and impulsive. He’s a giant fool under that rough front and he’d do anything for his friends. I’m also sure he already considers you one, since you’ve been such a good friend to Rukia.”

Nod.

“You realise, I consider you one too. A friend.”

Yukio felt his whole face burn at Toshiro’s admission, emerald eye sliding to the side, his free hand jumping up as if on its own to hide the right side of his face. There was no way that was true. Yukio hadn’t done anything to earn his friendship. They hadn’t interacted outside of these stolen moments. He couldn’t even have a proper conversation with him. Yukio would be a terrible friend for the prodigy to make. He couldn’t see Toshiro gaining anything from this. Not that Yukio wouldn’t have given him the world if he asked... But Toshiro didn’t know that and wouldn’t ask for it anyway. So why… how…

“Please don’t hide,” Toshiro said softly yet firmly, gently grabbing Yukio’s hand and guiding it down to his other clasped one, holding both now inside his calloused ones. Yukio clenched his eyes tight instead, his teeth being quite harsh on his bottom lip, but he didn’t pull away from Toshiro’s firm hold on him.

“I apologize for making you uncomfortable. I just thought that you should know. It’s difficult for me to be myself around people. Maybe it’s because I know you wouldn’t, couldn’t repeat our conversations that helps put me at ease. But I’ve become sure of it now, even if you could talk about me to others, you wouldn’t. That’s just not the type of person you are. You’re unfailingly kind, Yukio.”

Yukio’s eyes snapped open at that last sentence, emerald locking with teal again, and shook his head almost violently. No, he wasn’t kind. He was selfish. He had forced these interactions by staying behind after every movie. He only came at all because Toshiro had started working here. Only became friends with Rukia because she was the one at the ticket counter every afternoon. Only offered the use of his home to her because of how indebted he was to her. 

None of that was kindness.

Kindness was teal eyes and soft white hair. Kindness was calloused hands wrapped firmly around small and smooth ones. Kindness was initiating conversations with a person they knew would never respond back. Kindness was reaching out to a friend of a friend because that person was important to the other. Kindness was offering friendship to someone that could never fully extend it back, not in the same way.

His hands were squeezed tightly but not so much that it hurt. Yukio took a couple deep breaths, his head stilling, emerald eye glancing down at their joined hands before returning to deep teal. They had darkened slightly, those teal eyes, and narrowed. Toshiro had a slight frown on his face but it softened into a small smile quickly enough having regained the blonde’s attention.

“I know you don’t believe me. I don’t know exactly what happened to make you question your self worth so deeply. If you ever want to tell me, I’ll be there to listen. But that doesn’t matter right now. All that matters is that I think you _are_ worthy, more than worthy of being my friend. Would you at least trust and accept my judgement on this?”

Yukio inhaled sharply and released it shakingly. Trust Toshiro? Yes. That he could do.

Nod.

Toshiro smiled, that same smile that always had Yukio losing himself. And here he didn’t think he could blush anymore.

“Unfortunately, I need to return to work,” Toshiro said with a hint of sadness to his voice. He squeezed Yukio’s hands one last time before letting go, walking to the door to hold it open for him. Their new ritual, it seemed.

Yukio just sat for a few seconds, collecting himself before following. Emerald caught teal again as he went to step around him but halted when he felt one of those calloused hands grab his own again.

“I won’t see you again until Monday, right?”

Well, Yukio would be watching his practice tomorrow after school, likely alongside Rukia, but he didn’t think that’s what Toshiro meant. So he nodded.

He felt his clasped hand being raised, rough fingers shifting to slide underneath his palm, thumb resting firmly just below his knuckles. The motion continued and his emerald eye widened, mouth parted slightly, as the back was drawn up to small, soft lips. And kissed.

“Till then, Yukio.”

The farewell wasn’t unfamiliar to him, he had done it himself to girls back in Germany. But those were _girls_. Men didn’t do this in parting. Surely Toshiro was aware of that…

Still, his propriety kicked in, forcing out a response.

“Till then,” he all but whispered, his head nodding stiffly.

That smile again. Toshiro lowered his hand back down before releasing it. Probably a good thing because Yukio would have just let it drop if he hadn’t. He didn’t think his face could be more red as he finally stepped around his crush, his eyes avoiding anyone else’s as he all but bolted for the exit.

“Hey! Yukio!”

 _Damn it all!_ Yukio buried his face into his hands and just focused on breathing for a minute, willing his face, his heart, _himself_ , to calm down. Maybe he could just ignore her? Pretend he hadn’t heard her?

“Yukio, you alright?”

Yeah, right.

When he felt less like a startled rabbit he made his way over to his usual place in front of the counter.

“Oh my God, are you blushing?!” Rukia gushed. Yukio scowled and glanced to the side but his face still remained slightly heated. He had hoped she wouldn’t notice. He should also know better by now. “You so are! Ahhh, noooooo,” she pouted, huffing and arms crossing.

Yukio just raised an eyebrow at her.

“I just realized I’m never going to get the why out of you so I’d just be wasting time and making you uncomfortable by asking,” she huffed.

Yukio grinned in return.

“Fine, keep your secrets. For now,” she said with a smirk then leaned over the counter, her violet eyes gaining excitement. “You ready for tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Yukio managed softly, proud of himself. He was getting better, well, with Rukia at least.

“Awesome. I’m so ready for this! Do you need me to bring anything? Ichigo knows how to cook, by the way, so he can make us dinner if you want.”

Yukio just nodded. It saved him some effort after all and he didn’t know what condition he’d be in with Ichigo in his space so it was probably wise to leave the food up to his guests. He tried not to feel like a bad host but Rukia had offered so he didn’t let it bother him too much.

“Alright, leave dinner up to us then. I’ll meet you in our usual spot on the bleachers after school alright?”

Yukio nodded again, giving a small wave in answer to her far more enthusiastic one.

He was grateful really, for Rukia calling him over. She was a good distraction from over analyzing his and Toshiro’s almost conversation. And that part at the end… Yukio shoved that memory away because if he focused on it he seriously thought he might melt.

Instead he focused back before that. Toshiro had said that he thought of Yukio as a friend, that he wanted Yukio to trust him when he said he was. For now, that’s what Yukio would do, what he would focus on. He would try to be a good friend to that beautiful, sweet boy. 

And friends didn’t fantasize about each other or have inappropriate thoughts and desires towards them. So he would do his best to push all that away, to bury it deep down until it suffocated and died.

And here he thought he could be honest with himself.

This was hopeless.

He was going to be an awful friend.


	5. Chapter 5

Friday both dragged and flashed by, depending upon Yukio’s thoughts at any given time. He didn’t know that he could both look forward to and dread something equally at the same time but here he was. Time marched forward regardless and soon he was waiting outside the boy’s locker rooms for Ichigo. 

Rukia had gone on ahead to the grocery store since she knew where he lived already and would meet them there. In the meantime he was going to be Ichigo’s escort. He’d been his classmate for going on three years now and it wasn’t like he had never been around the tall orange-haired boy before.

He could do this.

Affirmations helped.

“Why are you out here, mute?”

An emerald eye flicked up to meet dark violet, far darker than Rukia’s bright, shining eyes. He backed further against the wall he had been leaning against, feeling dwarfed by his tall classmate, taking in his long dark hair and narrow face.

This was Sojiro Kusaka and it was that last member of the soccer team he wanted to have the attention of.

Kusaka was aggressive. He wasn’t known to start fights but his personality just cut the wrong way and he reminded Yukio of his junior high tormentors.

Kusaka reached towards him, grabbing his chin. Yukio tried to back away but he was already against a wall and Kusaka’s grip was so tight it bordered on bruising.

“I asked you why you were out here.” Kusaka’s face got unnervingly close to Yukio’s, having to bend fairly severely to accomplish the task. Kusaka was the tallest boy in their year and after Toshiro’s slight growth spurt last year, Yukio was now the shortest.

Yukio closed his eyes tightly, his small hands gripping at Kusaka’s wrist as he tried to get the taller boy to release him. His breathing picked up as he began to panic. He couldn’t answer him, couldn’t speak, and this wasn’t a yes/no question he could nod his way out of.

“Kusaka. Release him this instant.”

An emerald eye widened. He recognised that voice, though he had never heard it so cold.

Toshiro.

Kusaka hadn’t released him though, instead simply glancing at his captain.

“I’m not hurting him taicho, I’m just asking him why he’s being all creepy waiting outside our locker room.”

“He was waiting for me, idiot, now lay off him. Before I make you.” That was Ichigo though Yukio couldn’t see him very well. His voice didn’t sound any warmer than Toshiro’s had.

Kusaka released him and he sagged against the wall, watching as he turned around to face Ichigo fully.

“What, Toshiro too tall for you now Ichigo? I’ll admit the little freak here is cute but he can’t be all that satisfying, being mute and all. What fun is it if he can’t scream-”

Kusaka crumpled to the ground, one hand clutching at his abdomen and the other his left eye.

Toshiro and Ichigo grinned at one another.

“Gosh, Kusaka, you should take it easier during practice. I can’t believe you took that hit directly to the eye today!”

“Yes, Kurosaki is correct, Kusaka, you shouldn’t endanger yourself like that.”

“Fuck off,” Kusaka groaned as he straitened then left with a glare.

The three watched as he left and then Ichigo broke down laughing. “Did you see the look on his face! He was so shocked! Hell I’m shocked, I can’t believe you hit him too Toshiro!”

“He deserved it,” Toshiro said, coming to stand in front of Yukio and gently taking one of his hands.

“Well, yeah, but that’s nothing new. It’s not like you to become physical like that though…” Ichigo mused, getting his laughter under control.

Toshiro shrugged the comment off, directing his words towards Yukio instead, “You’re not hurt are you?”

Yukio shook his head but winced slightly as calloused fingers brushed his chin where Kusaka had grabbed him.

Toshiro frowned at his expression. “I don’t think this will actually bruise but make sure you put some ice on it when you get home to be sure. I know you wouldn’t appreciate any questions. Ichigo,” he turned to his teammate, “make sure he does for me okay? Tell Rukia what happened so he doesn’t have to try to explain but no one else. This stays between us alright?”

Ichigo smiled at them, his brown eyes gentle as he watched Toshiro look over the smaller blonde. “Sure thing, taicho.”

“You’ll be alright with Ichigo,” Toshiro assured him, those fingers leaving his chin but Yukio still felt the ghost of their touch left behind. “Maybe in the future I should wait with you while he changes if this becomes a regular thing. I don’t want you to be alone with Kusaka again, do you understand me?”

Yukio could tell how serious the white-haired boy was and it made him nervous. Had something happened between him and Kusaka? Did he have a reason to fear their tallest classmate?

Emerald stared into endless teal and he nodded firmly. He didn’t want to be alone with Kusaka in any case, especially not after today. And if it meant waiting with Toshiro for Ichigo to be ready, well, Yukio wasn’t going to complain about  _ that _ .

“Good. I’ll walk with you both as well, just in case Kusaka tries anything else today. I doubt it but I think your place is on my way home anyway from what Rukia said earlier.”

Yukio’s eyes widened at that. He didn’t realise that Toshiro had known where he lived. Well, he supposed it was just the general direction but still, he was starting to worry about how much Rukia shared with others.

“I know what you’re thinking and don’t worry, Yukio. I’m able to get almost anything out of Rukia but no one else can. Not even Ichigo here.”

“Well that’s the truth. Honestly, you know you’re scary right?”

The captain just smirked at the taller teen. He proceeded to fully release Yukio and gestured, his arm sweeping forward, for him to lead the way. Yukio nodded and did just that.

The walk was short but Yukio found he actually enjoyed it. It was soothing listening to the two long-time friends banter back and forth, one flanking each of his sides without crowding him. He felt… safe… protected… wanted. He had a small smile the whole time.

Rukia was already there when they arrived with her eyebrows raised in question, presumably at the sight of Toshiro in their small progression. Yukio passed her, headed for the door and Toshiro followed him after a simple, “Ichigo will fill you in,” to Rukia.

Yukio pushed the door open and started at how close Toshiro was, not expecting him to still be there. “Sorry,” the white-haired boy said with a small smile at him, “just wanted to properly say goodbye.” Yukio was significantly relieved when he held out his hand this time instead of reaching to take Yukio’s into a kiss. He would never live it down if Rukia saw that goodbye.

Yukio took the offered hand, allowing Toshiro to shake his lightly as he said, “I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yes,” Yukio said, his voice quiet but there, his blush back but somewhat under control.

Toshiro smiled and nodded, releasing his hand and waving to the couple on his way back to the sidewalk.

Yukio needn't have worried about Rukia witnessing anything, it seemed, as she had been fully paying attention to what Ichigo was relaying to her about earlier.

“What?!” she exclaimed, turning to Yukio and instantly she was at his side, taking his chin in her fingers as Toshiro had done. It didn’t feel quite the same but Yukio found he didn’t mind it all that much.

“He just needs some ice, Rukia, calm down, he’ll be fine. It’s Kusaka that’s going to have a black eye at school on Monday.”

“Good,” Rukia said forcibly then grabbed Yukio’s sleeve, pulling him inside, “Come on, let’s get you sorted. I’m sorry this happened, I can’t help but to think it’s partially my fault. I should have just waited with you.”

Yukio frowned at her, shaking his head. He had been at school. There was no reason for Rukia to worry about his safety.

She put the groceries down at the small table which now had three chairs instead of two. Rukia raised her eyebrow at that. “Well, I guess we don’t have to settle for eating on the loveseats now. You should get a fourth though.”

Now it was Yukio’s turn to raise his eyebrow in question.

“For Toshiro, in case he joins us in the future. Unless you wouldn’t want him to? He seemed friendly to you at the door.”

So she had seen that. He should have known.

Yukio didn’t really know how to answer her question - there had been too many there and they each required a different response so he just lifted his hands in a kind of half-shrug.

Rukia thought back on what she had said and then parsed it out a bit more plainly.

“Would you mind if Toshiro stayed with us, in the future?”

Shake. No, he wouldn’t mind.

“Would you want him to?”

Nod. He couldn’t exactly say he didn’t like Toshiro’s company.

“And you two, are you friends?”

Nod. Toshiro had said they were, to trust him.

Rukia beamed at him, “So you’ll get a fourth chair!”

Another nod, although he realised that this last question was a bit rhetorical at this point.

“Ice?” Ichigo asked, coming around the two of them. Yukio pointed at the freezer for the orange-haired boy to help himself, retrieving a ziplock bag and handing it to him as he pulled out the ice tray.

They soon settled on the loveseats, Yukio laying against the back of the armrest with his legs extended out in front of him as he usually did, ice pressed against his chin as instructed, watching as Rukia cuddled into Ichigo’s chest, his arm around her small shoulders.

“Finally, I feel like I’ve gone a month without cuddles,” Rukia remarked, smiling up at Ichigo. 

He laughed lightly. “I’ll admit it’s nice not having to worry about being seen by anyone.” He glanced over at the small blonde boy that was watching the two with a small smile. “Thanks Yukio. You really didn’t have to do this but it means a lot.”

Yukio just nodded, it was easier than putting up a fuss.

“Well, what do you want to do?” Rukia asked them both. “I mean, I’m fine with just cuddling here but Yukio’s bound to get bored.

Yukio responded by pulling out his 3DS, instantly making Rukia laugh. “You’re not serious.”

Yukio shrugged.

“Oh my God you are serious. Well, maybe I’ll take advantage of that later, but we should do a group activity first. You are our friend, after all.”

An emerald eye widened at her wanting to include him and he smiled at her. He was still getting the hang of this whole friend thing. He was so used to being ignored and entertaining himself.

“So, game or movie?” Rukia asked.

Yukio shrugged, he really didn’t mind, he could provide both.

“Up to you then, Ichigo.”

“Game? Your movies put me to sleep.”

“You take that back jerk!” Rukia said, punching him soundly in the shoulder.

“What, it’s not my fault you have terrible taste in movies,” Ichigo responded, rubbing said shoulder.

“Well then, in the future we’ll just let Yukio pick. Then you can’t blame me if you don’t like it. In fact, it will just prove that you’re the one with terrible taste in movies. Besides,” she winked over at the blonde, “he’s got to be somewhat of an expert by now.”

Yukio jumped up at her remark, holding up a finger to her as he remembered and waving at her to stay seated as he went to his room quickly. He returned with a couple of printed pages and handed them over to Rukia.

She frowned at them and then her expression cleared as she read the title, bursting into peals of laughter and completely confusing her boyfriend next to her.

Ichigo snatched them up and read out loud, “Detective Pikachu, A Review. What is this? Some school assignment?”

Rukia laughed even louder, gasping out, “You wrote, you wrote a paper, like a whole paper! Yukio! I can’t, it’s just too funny!” And she was gone again, her laughter contagious as even Yukio was starting to chuckle at the state she was in.

“Hey!” Ichigo exclaimed as the papers were snatched away from him by his petite girlfriend, “I was reading that!”

“Oh, no Ichigo, I’m reading this out loud,” Rukia said, somewhat under control. “If that’s alright Yukio?”

Yukio nodded. They were both going to read it anyway, why would it bother him if it was out loud?

And so she did.

All three of them were laughing by the end.

“Yukio!” Rukia rasped out, “This is funny! Like, really good funny! You’re an amazing writer!”

Yukio blushed, looking away. He always got high marks on his writing but no one had ever actually told him they enjoyed reading what he wrote.

“You should do this! I mean, you go anyway, why not? Please, can I publish this in the school paper? It’s so good!”

Yukio blinked, just remembering that Rukia was indeed in the journalism club. It was why she could only join him halfway through the team’s soccer practice. He bit his lip at her request though. He really didn’t want the kind of attention that being published could bring.

Rukia seemed to understand his problem. “What about anonymously then? We can give you a pen name and everything. No one needs to know it was written by you. Please, Yukio? It’s seriously good and it would be a crime to let this opportunity be wasted!”

Ichigo had been silent throughout this odd conversation, one side verbal, the other decidedly not, and yet communicating all the same. When Yukio glanced at him he grinned at the blonde, “I agree with Rukia. It really is good.”

Well, that was straightforward. How was he to argue with that?

So he nodded, reaching out for the papers as Rukia gave an ecstatic “Yes!” before she passed them back. He took them back to his bed room only to return a few minutes later, relinquishing ownership back to Rukia who immediately glanced down to see what he had added.

Detective Pikachu, A Review by Yuki Shiro.

“Sounds like a girl’s name,” Ichigo said, frowning.

“Well then it’s perfect, no one will guess it’s Yukio and yet it’s still obviously a pen name so they won’t bother to ask too many questions about it anyway. I mean, honestly, who would name their kid Snow White? It even technically still has his name in there. I think it’s a perfectly suitable pen name, good job Yukio!”

Ichigo shrugged and Yukio gave her a small smile. He didn’t tell her that he actually wrote quite a lot and had used that pen name for a while. He had a lot of spare time after all.

“Well I’m glad that’s settled. Ichigo, why don’t you pick out a game? I chose last time.”

“I wasn’t even here last time,” he grumbled but obeyed all the same, crouching down in front of the entertainment system. He turned with a smile, “Do you think you two are up for getting beat down in Smash?”

Yukio’s emerald eye locked on chocolate brown as he shot back a very smug grin.

Ichigo actually was good, but Yukio was flawless. Rukia had resorted to teaming up with Ichigo, if just so that she didn’t get knocked out immediately. They even made him switch his character after every round.

It didn’t matter.

“How are you  _ this _ good at this?”

All Ichigo got back was that smug grin in response.

“Agh, fine, I need to make dinner anyway!” he exclaimed, getting up and retreating into the kitchen.

Rukia giggled at her boyfriend before turning back to Yukio. “Let’s go back to Overcooked 2 where we left off yeah?”

Yukio agreed, switching out the games, and played with her until Ichigo called them over to the small table, now ladened down with food.

“Curry?” Rukia asked.

“Why are you surprised? You got the groceries."

"That doesn't mean I really knew what all that was for."

"Sure… Well, curry is easy and I know it’ll taste good. My sister Yuzu has been teaching me how to cook but it’s slow going. This is really the only thing I’ve mastered so far.”

“Well if you’re learning we should be your guinea pigs. You can cook for us every Friday! That is, if Yukio is still okay with having us over,” Rukia said, looking at the smaller teen.

Yukio smiled and nodded. He honestly couldn’t remember having this much fun.

“Awesome, it’s settled then. Fridays are officially “Hang Out at Yukio’s” day with Ichigo being our personal chef and a personal reading of Yuki Shiro’s wonderful movie reviews done by yours truly,” Rukia finished with a bow.

The two boys laughed at her as they sat down to eat.

Yukio smiled warmly at them both at the small round table.

He had meant it, what he thought earlier. He couldn’t remember having this much fun.

Having friends.

He reached out to both of them, Rukia immediately giving him her hand with a grin and Ichigo following suit a heartbeat later with a bemused expression.

He just breathed for a moment, feeling the warmth of their hands grounding his thoughts.

And then, he spoke, soft yet firm.

“Thank you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Yukio’s life routines had changed significantly since he had accepted Rukia’s first fateful shopping invitation but they were starting to settle again. Rukia now regularly met him halfway through watching the boy’s soccer practice, leaving afterward only to greet him again when he showed up at the cinema later on.

He continued to do the movie reviews for her, at least one a week, although there was a rare occurrence when he’d done two, like the week both John Wick: Chapter 3 and A Dog’s Journey released. Toshiro had even had him sign his copy of the school paper after his first review on Detective Pikachu had been printed, handing it over to him with a pen and a grin after taking his now usual seat next to him that very next week. Later, Yukio had practically demanded if Rukia had told the prodigy that he was the writer but she swore up and down she hadn’t mentioned a thing, not even about her being the one to bring it to the paper’s attention.

“Toshiro is just scary like that, Yukio. You learn to accept these things,” she responded with a shrug.

Toshiro continued to do so with each new release of his reviews. Yukio didn’t exactly know what his clever classmate was doing with them or why he bothered but he humored him and signed them anyway. He trusted Toshiro not to show them around and didn’t think it would hurt anything. Toshiro just did odd things to him now and again.

Like taking his hand whenever he talked to him, even after practice while they waited on Ichigo where any of his teammates could see them.

Like always walking him to the door, whether it was dropping him off with Rukia and Ichigo on Fridays or when he was exiting the theater the rest of the week.

Like kissing the back of his hand when they parted the theater on Thursdays.

Toshiro didn’t act this way with anyone else. Yukio knew, he had been watching him for a long time. And while the white-haired boy clearly held affection for Rukia and Ichigo, he didn’t show them the same level of warmth that he did Yukio. Yukio didn’t really understand why there was a difference. He had moments of blinding wishful thinking when Yukio thought that Toshiro might actually like him but he squashed them fairly quickly.

Yukio wasn’t like anyone else in their year, with his crippling social anxiety. This was probably all Toshiro was responding to and Yukio knew he shouldn’t dig any deeper into it. He had accepted a long time ago that his crush would go unreciprocated. Letting in any moments of hope now would just cause him more pain later.

Yukio had indeed got a fourth chair for his small dining room table, as Rukia had suggested, but it wasn’t until July that Toshiro was able to join them on their Friday “Hang Out at Yukio’s”. Ichigo had turned 18 the Monday before on the 15th and they were going to throw a small party for him between the four of them. 

Yukio had given Rukia a spare key to his apartment so she could go there directly after she was done with her journalism club duties after school to set up. He tried to go with her to help but she said she wanted it to be a surprise for everyone so he just let her have her way.

It was the first time since May that he watched the team practice alone without her bright presence at his side. He realised he missed her. That made him remember that this was their last year together before he would leave for university and would likely never see any of his new friends again, at least if his parents had any say in it. Which, unfortunately, they did, as they were going to be paying for it.

Of course, when he’d agreed last spring he hadn’t thought he’d actually have reasons to want to stay in Japan.

He tried not to think about that though. Today they were celebrating Ichigo’s 18th birthday and he was determined to not bring down the mood.

“Are you alright today?”

Yukio and Toshiro were waiting together on Ichigo and Toshiro had a light grasp on his hand like usual when he talked to him.

Yukio gave a slight squeeze and nodded. Toshiro was far too perceptive but Yukio really was fine, just a little out of it from his depressing thoughts earlier. He was actually excited because this was the first birthday party he’d attended, been  _ invited _ to, since he had left Germany.

He let a smile cross his face at the thought and Toshiro seemed to relax next to him.

“I’ll actually get to stay today,” Toshiro mused. “I’m usually stuck helping out my uncles on Fridays but I think that will change soon. They’ll need to hire additional help anyway when I go to college. I have been trying to convince them to do so a bit early so I can enjoy my senior year a bit more with all of you. Right now I’m either at school or at work and I can’t help but feel like I’m losing out.”

Yukio gave another squeeze to their joined hands. He knew Toshiro was ridiculously busy but he hadn’t realised that he was helping out his family on top of everything. Toshiro rarely spoke about them. He wondered what they did but he figured Toshiro would tell him on his own if he wanted to talk about it. 

“Are you two dating now or something?” It was Kusaka again and he was focused on their joined hands.

Toshiro stepped in front of Yukio a bit but didn’t let go, giving the smaller hand a squeeze as he moved.

“What we do is none of your concern Kusaka. Nothing in either of our lives is. Go home.” Toshiro’s voice was that same frigid cold it had been before and Yukio could feel how tense he was through their joined hands.

“Whatever taicho. Have it your way,” Kusaka sighed and left, apparently deciding an argument with his captain wasn’t worth it.

When he was gone Yukio pulled his hand from Toshiro’s and held it to his chest, his emerald eye focused on the ground. It was his fault Toshiro got looks from his teammates when they did this. If he wasn’t so broken, so awkward, so selfish-

“Hey, stop,” Toshiro said gently, grabbing his hand again and pulling it back down to hold between them. “Don’t worry about what Kusaka said. This helps you, right?” The question was accompanied by a squeeze to his captured hand.

Yukio was still looking at the ground but nodded. He wouldn’t lie to Toshiro, not if he could help it. He owed him that much at least. And there was no denying the sense of relief he got from physical contact, the grounding effect it had on his thoughts.

“Then it doesn’t matter what Kusaka or anyone else thinks.” Toshiro gave his hand another squeeze and Yukio’s emerald eye met teal again as he gave him a small smile and nod. He didn’t deserve Toshiro’s friendship but he was going to do his best to appreciate it.

“Alright out here?” Ichigo asked as he approached them, picking up on the slight tension between them.

“Just Kusaka being an idiot again,” Toshiro said but his eyes stayed locked with Yukio’s. “I took care of it.”

“A bit shook up though?” Ichigo asked, placing a hand on Yukio’s shoulder which he shrugged in answer. He wasn’t completely fine with what had happened but he wasn’t in any physical danger and it hadn’t seemed to bother Toshiro. He could let it go.

“Go on and change quick taicho, I’ve got him.”

Toshiro didn’t release him immediately, waiting for some shift within that emerald eye. Yukio relaxed a bit and squeezed their joined hands. Honestly, he was fine.

Toshiro nodded and went in to shower and change.

“It’s remarkable.”

Yukio glanced up at Ichigo who still had his hand lightly on his shoulder.

“He’s just so… different with you. I can’t really explain it.” The taller boy shrugged. “He’s… softer? More gentle? Toshiro earned his cold reputation, Yukio. He’s not like this with anyone else. It’s a bit strange to see but it’s not a bad thing. It’s actually good to see he can open up a little.”

Yukio gave his own shrug and managed out a soft, “My… anxiety…”

“Maybe, but that’s definitely not all of it. It’s not pity; Toshiro doesn’t pity others, no matter how rough of shape they’re in or how dark their past. He really cares about you.” Ichigo smiled down at him then and squeezed his shoulder.

Yukio wasn’t really sure what to do about this information and so didn’t really react to it. They waited in companionable silence for Toshiro to reemerge and then they were on their way to Yukio’s, the taller boys flanking him like usual.

When they got there Yukio knocked on his own door, knowing Rukia would be inside and wanting to give her some warning. It was soon yanked open and she yelled, “Surprise!”

“It’s not really a surprise when we knew about it…” Ichigo said, amused.

“Shut it you!” Rukia scolding, punching him in the arm and then grabbing that same arm and dragging him in, “Now come in here and enjoy your damn party! I’ve been working for hours!”

“You didn’t cook did you?” Ichigo’s voice seemed nervous.

“We’re ordering out tonight,” Rukia said loftly then narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

“Oh, no reason.” Ichigo grinned and allowed himself to be pulled onto a loveseat and rearranged by his girlfriend as she then proceeded to curl into his side.

Yukio glanced around his apartment, amused at all of the orange balloons slowly bumping into each other on the ceiling and the birthday streamer that had clearly been drawn by Rukia spreading the expanse of his small dining room; his table even had cute birthday paper plates and a centerpiece as well.

He went to settle in his usual position on the couch, his back against the arm and feet stretched out. Then his eyes met teal and remembered Toshiro was staying this time and so curled in his feet, leaving open the other cushion on the loveseat. It’s not like there was anywhere else he could offer him to sit.

Toshiro took the hint and sat beside him but then surprised him by grabbing his legs to put them across his thighs, one hand resting on an ankle. Toshiro looked over at him questionly, silently asking if this was okay, and Yukio gave him a smile with a tiny nod. 

“You two are adorable,” Rukia said with a giggle and Toshiro threw a pillow at her.

“Hush you, I want Yukio to feel comfortable with me here and comments like that will do the opposite. He obviously usually sits this way and I’m perfectly fine like this. Stop reading into it.”

“Mmmhmmm, sure thing Toshiro. Yukio, is the new report where it usually is?” Rukia said, jumping up and making her way to his bedroom without waiting for an answer.

Toshiro sent another questioning look back to Yukio who just shrugged with a grin. What was he going to do? Rukia was Rukia.

“Yes! You did do two!” Came her excited squeal from his bedroom. She came back quickly, retaking her place cuddled into Ichigo’s side. “I was hoping so when you went to both this past week!”

Ichigo looked over her shoulder down at the papers. “Annabelle Comes Home and Yesterday hu? I don’t think you could have picked two more different movies.”

“Both… good…” Yukio managed. Toshiro’s slight pressure on his ankle seemed to be doing the trick of keeping him grounded and he felt relaxed, feeling his body heat under his legs. His crush on the boy had, unfortunately, far from faded over the past couple months and he couldn’t help but feel warm and elated at the contact, almost as if they were cuddling too. If he never got up again it would be too soon.

Rukia took up her designated duty and read out the reviews, the boys steadily dissolving into laughter as she went.

Yukio didn’t think he’d ever really heard Toshiro laugh before, at least not this freely and openly. The sound was like music to him and he wanted to keep this memory forever, sitting together, his legs in his lap, feeling his slightly larger body shaking underneath him as he squeezed his ankle and doubled over slightly, teal eyes closed, his face completely open and smiling.

Beautiful.

Toshiro and Ichigo eventually calmed down after Rukia got through, standing to take a bow as the boys clapped.

“You do this every Friday?” Toshiro said, the smile still large and a bit odd on his face.

“Yep! See what you’ve been missing out on?” Rukia said, wagging a finger at him.

“I know, and I have spoken with my uncles. I should be able to participate more often now.”

“That’s good,” Ichigo said as he snagged his petite girlfriend around the middle and pulled her back down, chuckling at her squeal. “Yukio leaves us out here sometimes to give us some privacy, usually after dinner, and I’ve felt bad about him being on his own.”

Toshiro’s eyes narrowed at the couple, “And what exactly does that mean, some privacy?”

“Calm down taicho, we just make out. I’m not about to bring down Byakuya’s wrath by going any further. I plan on asking him to properly date Rukia here when she finally catches up to me and turns 18 herself.”

“He’s very honorable,” Rukia sighed dramatically and Yukio laughed lightly at the level of exasperation in her statement. “Seriously, his level of self control is maddening. I can’t wait until January finally arrives.”

Yukio really did laugh then and Rukia gave him one of her grins with a wink. 

“You think… that will… make a… difference?” Yukio managed out, still laughing lightly.

Rukia looked deeply disturbed at this and then turned to Ichigo, clutching his shirt tightly. “What does he mean? Explain! Now!”

Ichigo just chuckled, “You know I’m going to do this properly Rukia. I’m just not wired that way. Even Yukio’s caught on.”

“You realise that if you insist on this we’re getting married in March. Next March. The day after we graduate.”

Yukio and Toshiro were laughing again and Ichigo would have joined them if it weren’t for how serious Rukia’s eyes looked. So he smiled at her instead and put his hand around the one gripping his shirt. “Let’s just see how things go after we’re official before you decide if you really want to be attached to me forever. Although if that’s really what you want I’d be more than happy to accept.” Ichigo leaned down and kissed her gently, his whole face soft with a gentle emotion. Rukia melted into it, the two on the loveseat averting their eyes but smiling at each other.

“However,” Ichigo said, pulling back with a grin, “we are  _ not _ getting married just because you’re sexually frustrated. Learn some self control.” 

Rukia huffed at him, crossing her arms, but Yukio could tell she was still smiling.

“Alright Kurosaki, this is your birthday party. What do you want to do?”

“3 v 1 Smash!” Ichigo said, smirking at Yukio.

“Won’t… matter…” Yukio managed out with a grin.

Toshiro had his eyebrows raised, “Is he that good?”

“He’s like, some God of video games,” Ichigo grumbled out, bending down to put in the game and pass out controllers. “And we haven’t beat him yet. Maybe with you here we’ll stand a better chance.”

It took Toshiro a bit to get the hang of the controls. He didn’t really play video games himself but he wasn’t a prodigy for nothing. By the tenth round the team finally won.

“Yes!” Ichigo exclaimed, “Finally!”

“Rematch?” Yukio questioned from his spot next to Toshiro. Neither had moved since the younger had sat down and arranged them like that.

“Hell no, we’re never doing that again. I’m going to hold this over you forever!”

Rukia shared a smirk with the blonde and then hit the rematch button.

“Rukia! How could you!?”

“You better focus dear, Yukio is already about to knock you out and it’s only been 10 seconds.”

It took another seven rounds for them to win again.

“I’m seriously done this time and the pizza should be here any minute anyway,” Ichigo said with finality.

“I need to use the restroom anyway,” Toshiro added, gently lifting Yukio’s legs out of his way as he stood up then glanced at him in question. Yukio realised that, though Toshiro had been to his door several times, he had never actually come in and thus didn’t know where to go. The smaller teen got up and tugged on his sleeve to follow him. 

He went to the hall and opened both doors to show Toshiro what lay beyond both. Toshiro seemed interested in his room, looking around at the posters on the walls but then left with an “I’ll be right back,” as he went to use the restroom.

Yukio sat on his own bed and waited patiently for him to return. He felt like their puzzle had been missing a piece that was now found, with Toshiro being here. He still had a crush on the beautiful boy but he had learned to live with that. He felt… comfortable with him here. Like he should have been here all along.

Toshiro came back in after a few short minutes, again looking at the posters.

“Most of this is pretty old now,” he remarked, glancing at Yukio with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, I didn’t know they still made posters of Depeche Mode.”

Yukio laughed lightly, “They still… tour.”

“Really?” Toshiro asked, sitting next to him and taking his hand, placing them between them.

Yukio nodded.

“What’s your favorite song of theirs?”

Yukio thought about it, deeply considering, though honestly the answer came to him easily.

There was only one choice.

“Enjoy the Silence.”

Toshiro squeezed his hand, teal meeting emerald as he sang quietly, “All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here, in my arms. Words are very unnecessary. They can only do harm.”

Yukio was captivated. He knew the other enjoyed music, he had constantly heard him humming while he worked, but to remember a chorus to his favorite song… and then sing it so perfectly… 

How could he not fall in love with this boy?

“Beautiful.” An emerald eye widened. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Toshiro laughed lightly, “Not really, it’s not like Dave Gahan is hard to sing.”

Yukio relaxed. Toshiro thought he had only meant his singing. “That’s… true.”

“Hey, guys! Food’s here!” Ichigo’s voice came down the hall.

After food, a humiliatingly pathetic performance of Happy Birthday, and some cake that had been lovingly decorated by Rukia, they segregated again, Yukio and Toshiro returning to his bedroom to give the couple some alone time.

“Well, what do you want to do?” Toshiro questioned and then frowned, hearing a giggle from the living room. “Preferably something that will drown them out.”

Yukio grinned. Ichigo and Rukia’s version of making out involved equal parts wrestling and tickling, as far as he could tell from the sounds he had heard them make. He tended to want to drown them out too after a while.

He sat on his bed and reached over to his nightstand, showing Toshiro a tablet that was hooked up to the speakers around his room via bluetooth. He opened Spotify and started playing his Depeche Mode playlist.

Toshiro smiled and joined him on the bed, laying next to him on one of the pillows but making sure to leave enough room for Yukio to be comfortable, grasping Yukio’s hand between them. 

And then he started to sing.

Yukio curled up next to him, his free hand under his head to watch him, the other still clasped between them. Slowly, he felt his eyes drift closed as he listened. 

He felt so calm right now, his chest filled with warmth. Even with his crush laying next to him, on his bed, singing along to his playlist, he didn’t feel nervous. Because he was so familiar with Toshiro now that it was almost impossible to feel nervous. He trusted him, he knew where they stood with each other, and he was fine with that. 

He didn’t need more. 

This was more than enough, more than he could have ever asked for. 

So instead he just relaxed and let Toshiro’s voice lull him to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

The months flew by for Yukio, summer slipping into fall and fading into winter. Soon their winter break would be upon them. Ichigo, Rukia, and Toshiro all had family obligations they were expected to attend. Yukio… well… he had received a text asking if he wanted a ticket home and had politely declined. He could be ignored from his little apartment in Karakura just as easily as his room at home, no need to go through the hassle.

Of course he didn’t tell his new friends this. He just knew that any one of them, even Ichigo, would demand he spend the holidays with them. But he didn’t know their families and he didn’t want to disrupt their last winter break of their highschool year.

But before that, both he and Toshiro would have their birthdays, with Toshiro turning 16 on the 20th and Yukio turning 18 on the 23rd. So for three whole days, they would only technically be 1 year apart in age. Yukio smiled at the silly thought.

Rukia demanded a joint party on the 20th since that was the Friday and the following one they would all be expected home for the start of break. She also demanded Yukio’s key again and his promise to stay away until she was done decorating. He gave in immediately, of course.

They had already agreed that they wouldn’t be exchanging presents as friends - for birthdays or holidays. Ichigo didn’t even have a job so it wouldn’t exactly be fair on him and Rukia and Toshiro didn’t make all that much. Yukio didn’t have a job either but they weren’t aware that he didn’t exactly need one with how wealthy he was.

Still, he just couldn’t not get Toshiro at least one gift. And to be honest, he was a bit worried about how it was going to be received. He just hoped the prodigy would accept it and not make a big deal out of it and he wasn’t expecting anything in return. He wasn’t really planning on buying anything anyway so he felt like he technically wasn’t violating their “no buying presents” rule.

He had grown to know his crush quite a lot since July. They shared similar tastes in music, Toshiro could literally learn anything he put his mind to, and he absolutely devoured books. He regularly stayed now for the Friday “Hang Out at Yukio’s” where they would usually play games after Rukia did her weekly reading of Yuki Shiro’s Movie Reviews. They’d then have dinner, usually made by Ichigo but sometimes they ordered out, and the couple would stay in the living room while Yukio and Toshiro went back to his bedroom to do their own things.

Yukio would always put on a playlist and Toshiro would sit up in the bed with his back to the wall and read. It was always a different book, even usually a different  _ type _ of book. Yukio had seen history, classical english literature, philosophy, science, science fiction, young adult, even what he could have sworn was a romance novel. 

Meanwhile, Yukio would boot up his desktop and play his more competitive games. He had rankings to maintain after all. He also felt like he played better, just knowing that Toshiro was there, could glance over and observe him at any moment. He found it was great motivation.

But after an hour or so he would always find his way back to lay next to the white-haired beauty on the bed. Toshiro would put aside the book and sing softly to whatever was playing. It didn’t seem to matter, he always knew all the words. And sometimes Yukio would even join in with a word every now and then, completely relaxed, his cheek pressed against Toshiro’s thigh as a pillow and those calloused fingers lightly combing through his blonde hair, his eyes closed as he felt completely at peace.

It was not uncommon for him to drift off completely only to be lightly roused later when Ichigo would knock and call through the door that he and Rukia were heading home. Toshiro would leave him then but always with a kiss to the back of his hand, an expression in those teal eyes that Yukio’s brain refused to decipher. Then Yukio would follow them out and wave them on their way, locking his door at their departure, and crawling back into bed with a sad smile on his lips. Happy to have had them there, sad to watch them go.

His ability to talk had improved greatly, at least when it was just the four of them. He could manage sentences now without the anxiety creeping in, especially when he was connected to them physically somehow. He had actually managed a few true conversations with Toshiro while they lay next to each other on his bed. That’s when he felt most at peace, the most safe.

He finally had friends. Real, close friends.

And he would lose them in April.

He hadn’t found a way to tell them what fate had laid out for him, the path he was to tread. Anyone else would be grateful, happy even, to get the opportunity his parents had all but secured for him. But it wasn’t what he wanted now. At the time when he had agreed, he hadn’t wanted anything. Well, nothing he remotely thought he could have anyway. Things were different now.

But his course had already been set.

He’d been accepted, the letter had arrived last week in all it’s official glory.

Yukio had barely been able to read it, stuffing it into a drawer in his desk.

As if banishing it there would somehow lessen its dreadful impact.

“Surprise!” Rukia exclaimed as she pulled open the door to greet them.

“Again, it’s not really a surprise…” Ichigo started only to end in a yell as she yanked him inside none too gently.

“No one asked for your opinion dear,” the ravenette huffed, Yukio and Toshiro laughing lightly and following them in.

The balloons this time were green and white but much remained the same from when she had decorated for Ichigo’s birthday. It didn’t really feel any different than any other Friday, with the only exception being the double Happy Birthday song and Rukia’s thankfully store-bought but terribly self-decorated cake. 

Rukia even shooed them out of the living room like usual after dinner, Yukio just shaking his head as he went to his room, missing the thumbs up she directed at Toshiro. If he had caught it, perhaps he would have known something was different about tonight, that his friends were up to something. But he hadn’t noticed and so he was completely unprepared when, after starting the music like normal and then turning to head for his desktop, Toshiro caught his hand from his place on the bed.

One emerald eye met teal, in confusion and surprise, before letting that hand pull him towards the taller boy. Toshiro had grown again over the past 6 months, now a full six inches taller than the older teen. Yukio still wouldn’t consider him large by any means, he was all lithe muscles and fluid grace. Yukio was sure that bulky and large were never words that would apply to the young prodigy, no matter how tall he became.

He crawled over to him, letting himself be guided to sit beside him, his own back against the headboard, and he could feel Toshiro’s entire side against his, far closer than the two had ever sat before as Toshiro pulled him into him, his strong arm wrapping around Yukio’s shoulders, his chin coming to rest atop his messy blonde hair. 

Yukio’s heart was pounding, fast and strong in his chest and his ears, but he couldn’t resist melting against his friend. This was Toshiro, he could never be uncomfortable with him. He let his cheek press against a firm shoulder, his nose settling beside Toshiro’s long neck and just breathed, his mind blissfully blank and feeling wrapped up in warmth.

Toshiro’s breathing hitched a bit as Yukio nuzzled into him and soon Yukio felt the hand belonging to the arm wrapped around him gently rubbing against his arm, the other hand still entwined with his own between them.

“Is this alright?” Yukio both heard and felt the question from his place against Toshiro.

Alright? Of course this was alright. This was brilliant, he never felt  _ more _ alright.

He squeezed their joined hands as he spoke softly in answer, “Yes.”

“Did you know tomorrow is the Winter Solstice?”

Yukio gave a considering hum before answering, “I think I knew it was around our birthdays. Not the exact day.”

“Some people feel like this time of year is depressing with how cold and dark it gets. But the Winter Solstice is different. It’s the true start of winter but it doesn’t signify the days growing short. It’s actually the start of the daylight beginning to lengthen, which means winter is actually the season where the sun begins to return. I’ve always felt more hopeful during this time of year.”

Yukio simply let out another hum against his neck, squeezing their hands again. This time of year meant very little to him. He usually spent it alone. But that hadn’t really been different from any other time of the year until recently so he didn’t have any strong feelings either way.

“Today I turned 16, Yukio.” The hand continued its rubbing on his arm and Yukio had been focusing on that but there was something in Toshiro’s tone that had him giving him his complete attention. 

That had been a statement, not a question, but Yukio felt compelled to respond anyway, “I know. Happy birthday.”

Toshiro squeezed his hand this time. A thank you.

“And right now, today, you are still 17.”

Yukio was a bit confused why this was important but nodded against him all the same. “That’s true. I don’t really turn 18 for three more days.”

He felt Toshiro nuzzle into his hair a little and promptly felt himself blush over the small tingles that cascaded down his spine from the sensation as he shivered against him. He refocused though when he heard Toshiro continue. "I would like you to come over tomorrow. To my place. I want to introduce you to my family. Consider it my birthday present request." 

Yukio was a bit surprised to say the least but agreed easily with the request. He didn't have a reason to deny him. Although, Toshiro's words had reminded him of his own present for him. 

He squeezed his hand before releasing it and turning just enough to grab a small bracelet off the bedside table. It was simple really, just braided strings of blue, green, and teal. He thought the colors would look striking on him and he selfishly wanted to see him wear something he had received from him. He reclaimed Toshiro's hand and slipped it over calloused fingers and palm to rest over his thin wrist. 

Toshiro held it up slightly to inspect it before entwining their fingers again. 

"We agreed on no presents." Yukio smiled at the teasing tone. 

"I didn't buy it. Doesn't count." He relaxed back into him, eyes closing as he drifted in the comfort that surrounded him. 

Yukio’s eyes fluttered open a few moments later as he felt Toshiro’s hand, the one that had been entwined with his own, let go. He stared at it and watched as it rose, those fingertips coming to rest against his chin, blinking as his gaze was forced out of focus at the proximetry, and then one emerald eye locked onto teal as his gaze was gently forced up.

He felt more than heard Toshiro laugh lightly, that hand on his chin coming up higher to his left cheek, fingers playing with the soft blonde hair, bracelet sliding further down his wrist. “I don’t know how you stand your bangs being this long, they always cover this eye. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even  _ seen _ your left eye…” 

And then those fingers reached up just a bit higher, brushing Yukio’s long bangs away from his face. He instantly stiffened but in his shock he forgot to close his eyes.

Toshiro’s expression changed to a mix of confusion and intrigue. “It’s… blue? Heterochromia?”

Yukio shook his head, his eyes still helplessly locked onto teal.

Toshiro frowned, clearly not understanding and Yukio knew he’d have to answer himself. When he did it was barely a whisper.

“Blind.”

Toshiro’s vision narrowed as he inspected his left eye and Yukio could tell what he was looking for. Soon he would notice the difference, that the pupil was more gray than black, that the iris wasn’t a true blue but rather a muted emerald.

Yukio knew how odd it made him look.

Ugly.

“Beautiful.”

Yukio did manage to close his eyes then, tried to pull away. It wasn’t beautiful, he knew it wasn’t, he saw it every day. But Toshiro’s hand still held the side of his face, keeping his bangs swept back, and prevented him from retreating.

And then Yukio stilled as he felt the gentle press of those soft lips, the feeling familiar from the back of his hand, against his left eyelid.

Emerald eyes flickered open again as he felt Toshiro withdraw, his expression decidedly warm, teal eyes soft, smile small and gentle. “I know it’s probably difficult to live with and I wish, for your sake, that it wasn’t the case. But it really does make you look even more stunning, Yukio. You can hide away from everyone else but please,” Toshiro’s voice lowered, his forehead resting against Yukio’s, his teal eyes gazing fiercely into emerald.

“Never hide from me.”

And then he kissed him.

And for a moment, Yukio melted against him. His hands clutched at the front of his school uniform, back arched into the strong arm that was still wrapped around him, reveling in the feel of those fingers tightening against his arm, the soft, sure palm against the left side of his face, those burning, firm, gentle lips against his own.

This was his first kiss.

This was Toshiro.

This was perfect.

He just wanted to stay here, stay in this wonderful, beautiful dream, forever.

Forever.

They didn’t have forever.

They barely had four months.

Toshiro didn’t know.

Yukio broke away, violently, practically falling off the bed. Toshiro had frozen, utterly confused and eyes full of concern.

“Yukio? I’m sorry if I-” 

Yukio held up a hand to silence at him. He couldn’t talk right now, couldn’t reach his words. His breathing was uneven. He felt tears starting to leak down his face out of despair and frustration. He had to tell him, he had to know, but his voice wasn’t, he just couldn’t-

He dove for his desk, ripping open the drawer and violently grabbing the letter. He returned to Toshiro whose eyes were still full of concern and all but collapsed onto the bed, coming to kneel next to him and shakily held out the slightly crumpled letter.

Toshiro accepted it, his teal eyes finally leaving the blonde’s form in front of him to read whatever was causing him such distress. Yukio watched as the concerned expression changed into one of clear shock. He watched the teal eyes as they repeated the reading, as if it would change the words on the paper. The expression shifted as Toshiro seemed to come to an understanding, setting the letter aside on the bedside table, teal eyes shining with determination.

“You’ve been accepted into Oxford.”

Yukio, still kneeling, tears still falling slowly, the very picture of a pathetic mess, just nodded.

“You start during their next April semester.”

Another nod.

“You don’t want to go.”

Another nod, though this one was accompanied by a sob.

“But you’re going anyway.”

Yukio couldn’t even manage the nod this time, his arms had wrapped around himself and he was silently choking back sobs.

He felt strong arms around him, pulling him against a warm, hard chest, and he unwrapped his own arms, clutching at Toshiro’s shoulders instead as silent sobs wracked his small frame. This was what he had been dreading, what he knew deep in his heart had been coming. And it hurt more than he thought it would.

Because now he knew that Toshiro wanted him.

Because that didn’t change the fact that he  _ couldn’t keep _ him.

The joy of realizing the first, the despair of knowing the second, the two emotions twisted inside, pulling him apart, piece by piece, until he was nothing but a sobbing, clutching, wretched  _ mess _ caged within Toshiro’s arms.

Minutes passed, the arms remained, and Yukio realised that he was being rocked gently and that Toshiro had been quietly singing, his chin nestled atop his head. Yukio focused on the sensation of the rocking, the sound of Toshiro’s clear voice, and slowly his breathing returned to normal, his tremors relaxing, and he sagged into the wet shirt beneath him.

“I’m so sorry,” Yukio eventually managed. His voice was quiet but Toshiro heard him just the same.

He tilted Yukio’s head up, both hands cradling his face, and pressed a small kiss to his lips.

“You don’t need to be,” Toshiro said, his tone gentle but demanding. “I understand why you are upset now. You did a good job with figuring out how to tell me by giving me the letter. I assume this has been troubling you for a while because you didn’t mention it when you received it. Most people would be thrilled but clearly, that’s not the case here. Will you tell me why?”

Yukio took a deep breath. If there were ever a time he needed to find his voice, that time was now. This was far too important, and he owed it to Toshiro.

“My family, it’s tradition. I applied, beginning of April. My parents... won’t pay for anywhere else… now that… I’ve been accepted. I got the letter… last week…” his voice trailed off. He hoped it was enough.

Toshiro nodded then asked, “But why aren’t you happy about it?”

Yukio’s expression became confused. He thought Toshiro had understood. “Because… I’ll have to… to… to leave! Ichigo… Rukia…" He heard his voice crack as he gasped out, "You…”

Toshiro’s expression softened then and he kissed him again but this time he was more forceful. His lips moved against him, his tongue darting out and Yukio gasped as his breathing hitched. Toshiro didn’t waste the opportunity, his tongue sweeping into that welcoming mouth and deepening the kiss, exploring him fully as he swiped against teeth, tongue, roof, every inch he could reach. 

Yukio clutched his shoulders again, holding on as he was flooded with warmth. He was becoming dizzy, he hadn’t been breathing, too overwhelmed. He still whined even as he gasped for air when Toshiro pulled back, leaning forward to chase those lips, his mind blank in that moment of everything but the want for more, more, more.

Toshiro still had his hands cradling his head though and he caught him with a chuckle. “You’re so responsive, Yukio, so cute. You don’t have any idea the effect you have on me, how long I’ve wanted you like this.”

Yukio was still panting, trying to catch his breath. It was completely unfair how calm Toshiro sounded. Yukio was also certain he had been waiting far longer.

“You can’t know. Because if you did, you’d know that there was absolutely no way I was letting you go.”

Yukio’s face contorted in confusion again. What did he mean? He didn’t have a choice, he had to go. Did he want to try to do a relationship across continents? With time zone differences of eight hours? For years? That was beyond impossible. They would drift apart, lives pulled in different directions, it would be impossible-

“You know I’ve been applying to colleges for a while now. Did you never consider that Oxford would be one of them?”

Emerald eyes widened as Yukio froze, his breath, his heart, his mind-

“I got the same letter last week and I have the scholarships to afford it. I wasn’t planning on accepting it, initially, I just wanted to see if I could get in. However I’ve all of a sudden changed my mind.”

This time Toshiro couldn’t hold him back, teal eyes widened in amusement as Yukio crashed his lips into his, teeth pulling on his lower lip, demanding he open to deepen the kiss  _ right now _ . Toshiro didn’t hesitate and they both moaned into it, tongues dancing against each other as Toshiro couldn’t help but fight for a bit of control. Yukio was drowning in relief, so much that he felt tears again against his cheeks. 

This beautiful boy was his, would continue to be his, would cross half the world to do so.

When they broke apart Yukio was laughing even as he was crying and he couldn’t contain it. He grabbed Toshiro by the wrist and snatched the letter from the nightstand, hauling him out to the living room, the couple’s only warning the sharp slap of his bedroom door against the wall.

Amazingly, although not really that surprising considering Ichigo was involved, they weren’t in too compromising a position. Rukia was perched sideways on Ichigo’s lap, their hands tangled in each other’s hair. Both were flushed and had clearly just broken apart from their own kiss, looking questioningly and amusedly at Yukio’s small frame pulling Toshiro behind him.

He handed the letter over to Rukia, letting her read it, Ichigo grabbing it at her gasp.

“Yukio, congratulations! But I mean, isn’t Oxford really far away…” she trailed off, taking in their linked hands, Toshiro’s smile, and Yukio’s ecstatic expression.

“Toshiro got accepted too! He’s coming with me!”

Rukia gave the most girlish squeal Yukio had ever heard from her, climbing over Ichigo and over the back of the loveseat to pull him into a tight hug. “I’m so ridiculously happy for you!” she exclaimed before pulling away.

“Also,” Yukio said, running off of pure euphoria, “in case it wasn’t clear,” he tugged sharply on Toshiro’s connected hand and caught him in a kiss.

Correction, Yukio thought absently,  _ that _ was the most girlish squeal he had ever heard Rukia give.


	8. Chapter 8

It turned out Toshiro’s remarks about their ages  _ had _ been important. His uncles had a very odd way of being protective when it came to Toshiro’s dating life.

Firstly, he wasn’t allowed to date until he was 16, which he now was.

Secondly, he wasn’t allowed to date anyone 18 or older until he was that age himself. The exception to this, apparently Toshiro had negotiated, would be if he was already dating someone before they turned 18 and then they just happened to become 18 before him.

Yukio was highly amused that, for three days, technically all of these qualifications were met.

But for his uncles to accept that they were officially dating they demanded to meet him. Thus the invite to Toshiro’s home to meet them the previous night. Yukio was fine with this and mostly just really curious about this aspect of his boyfriend’s - and he still couldn’t get over being able to call him that - life.

And so he found himself on Toshiro’s doorstep, a quaint, single story house just a couple of blocks from his tiny apartment in the opposite direction of the school. Yukio had been relieved that Toshiro hadn’t been saying that his apartment was on his way home just for Yukio’s sake. But then he felt silly because he knew Toshiro wasn’t the type of person to tell white lies just to save another person's feelings anyway.

He knocked on the door and waited patiently as he heard sounds immediately pick up from the house.

“I’ll get it!”

“Like hell you will! Just wait in the living room! Let me at least show him inside before you scare him off!”

“Jushiro, did you hear that? Shiro-chan is being mean to me! You don’t think I’m scary do you?”

Yukio heard some laughter but then the door was opening and Toshiro had him in his arms, burying his nose into his neck and inhaling.

“You’re really here,” Toshiro murmured against his neck, and then parted just enough to look into the one visible emerald eye.

“Of course, you asked.” Yukio’s voice was a bit weak, still not that comfortable speaking in situations where people other than their close little group could hear him.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to them, I’ve made them understand not to push you to. I can probably answer most of their questions if you’d let me. I’m sure I can read you well enough to know when you agree or not with what I’m saying.”

Yukio nodded and then promptly blushed as Toshiro brushed his hair from the left side of his face to kiss just above his left eye. “You’re beautiful Yukio, inside and out. They’ll definitely love you, it’s impossible not to.”

Yukio was very red now and felt a warm burst of joy in his chest. Had that been Toshiro’s round about way of saying he loved him?

He didn’t get the chance to analyse it further though and he was gently pulled into the house by Toshiro’s hand interlinked with his own. He smiled down at the sight of the braided bracelet as it swayed along Toshiro’s wrist and then refocused on his surroundings as he was led into what was obviously a living room. 

Two men, both fairly tall with long hair, sat in chairs facing a couch which Toshiro led him to, pulling him down next to him. Both men were smiling at them and Yukio relaxed against Toshiro as he smiled back.

“Welcome to our home, my name is Jushiro, I’m Toshiro’s uncle,” Jushiro said as he extended his hand out to Yukio for him to shake. Toshiro must have instructed them to do this but Yukio didn’t mind in the slightest. He was more touched than anything. Jushiro had Toshiro’s white hair but with green eyes, though far darker than Yukio’s own. He looked very caring and Yukio immediately liked him, taking his hand and shaking it.

“And I’m Shunsui, Jushiro's worse half,” the other man introduced, also extending his hand. Shunsui’s appearance was rougher than Jushiro’s, his long hair dark and wavy, pulled back into a low ponytail with a few curled strands escaping near the side of his scruffy face. His eyes were grey and held a mischievous light to them. Yukio couldn’t help but think that perhaps this uncle was the main reason why Toshiro didn’t have people over often. He reached out to shake the presented hand all the same. There were no terrible repercussions so Yukio reasoned he couldn’t be that bad.

“This is Yukio Hans Vorarlberna, my boyfriend,” Toshiro said for him, shifting to put an arm around his waist and taking hold of the hand Yukio had in between them with his other one, his thumb passing lightly over his knuckles. Yukio nodded at each of his uncles in turn. He could probably speak, he didn’t feel too anxious with Toshiro holding him like this, but he liked Toshiro taking care of him in this way and he felt like he could get away with letting him do so, at least for a little while. 

He also liked how comfortable Toshiro was about allowing his uncles to see him hold him like this, like he wasn’t the slightest bit self conscious about it. 

Like he was proud to have him.

“Not so fast Shiro-chan,” Shunsui said with a smirk, “we need to approve of him first.”

Yukio just blinked at the man before turning to Toshiro, who now had a small frown on his face but Yukio felt better when he felt the taller boy squeeze his hand to reassure him. “Go on then,” Toshiro said, his tone somewhere between annoyed and bored, “ask your questions.”

“How old is he?” Straight to the point then, Yukio mused. Although he supposed if he didn’t meet at least this criteria the other questions would be mute.

“Seventeen,” Toshiro answered with a smirk of his own.

“What year is he?”

“Third year, same as me.”

Shunsui frowned at that. “He’ll be eighteen then soon, won’t he? When’s his birthday.”

The smirk on Toshiro’s face was so smug Yukio had to keep himself from laughing.

“December 23rd.”

Jushiro did laugh, and Yukio smiled at the sound. It was pleasant.

Shunsui looked like he had eaten something sour and turned to Jushiro saying, “I told you we shouldn’t have agreed to meet him so quickly. If we had just waited until next weekend then I wouldn’t have to worry about our little Shiro dating.”

“I don’t think it would have mattered Shunsui, look at them. Toshiro obviously knows what he wants and you know just as well as I do that there’s very little we could do to stop him when he’s determined. I told you that rule was ridiculous and wasn’t going to work anyway.”

Shunsui sighed in his seat, “But he’s growing up too fast!”

“Children tend to do that,” Jushiro said with a small smile, “and it’s a good thing they do so they can become their own persons.”

“I’m not done with asking questions though,” Shunsui said but he seemed rather resigned.

Jushiro just chuckled and gestured for him to continue.

“Does he work?”

“No. His parents give him an allowance, I believe,” Toshiro glanced at Yukio who nodded in affirmation. “They seem pretty serious about his schooling.” Yukio gave another nod.

“That’s good I suppose. Is he going to university then after graduating?”

“He’s been accepted into Oxford.”

Jushiro and Shunsui looked both surprised and impressed by this.

Toshiro’s smug smile remained as he continued, “As have I. We’ll both be starting during the April semester.”

Shunsui sagged back in his chair, completely deflated. “Jushiro, you deal with this, I just can’t right now.”

Jushiro leaned forward, his eyes concerned. “Toshiro, we talked about this. We’re not comfortable with you moving so far away. You’re still so young. Believe me, I know what it's like to be in love but you shouldn’t chase after it so recklessly. If something happens we won’t be able to help you.”

Yukio had tensed beside him and he knew Toshiro could feel it. It didn’t bother him in the slightest leaving his family behind, he wouldn’t miss them anymore than he already did, distance meant very little in the case of his estrangement. But he hadn’t considered that it would be a lot different for Toshiro, too excited and relieved to think about it. And he felt awful for not considering how this would affect his family.

Toshiro squeezed his hand again and pressed a kiss to the side of his head before focusing back on Jushiro, his response sounding careful yet firm. “You can’t deny that this is a good opportunity, regardless of Yukio also going. If something happens, I will deal with it. I refuse to lose him to something as easily resolved as distance and you can’t argue that it’s not a good school. I have the scholarship money to pay for it. I’ve made up my mind. In no way is this a negotiation. I’m not asking for permission, but I would really like your support.”

Jushiro gave a small sigh but said, “You always have that, Shiro-chan.”

“I still don’t like it,” came Shunsui’s voice from the other chair, “but Jushiro’s right, we support you. And we’ll be here for you. You’re going to need to get better at calling home and talking about your day though. You’re so dry over the phone, like you’re giving some kind of report.”

Yukio chuckled slightly at Shunsui’s exasperated expression and Shunsui winked at him.

“Well obviously he does well in school then. Does he have any hobbies other than studying?”

“Video games, mostly, but he also writes. Those movie reviews I’ve been showing you, that was him.”

“Really?” It was Jushiro that spoke this time. “Those were well written. Shunsui and I are writers ourselves, Yukio. I write children's books and Shunsui, well…”

“Trashy, overly graphic, smutty, romance novels,” Shunsui finished for his partner. Yukio couldn’t believe how  _ proud _ he looked about that.

Toshiro groaned beside him, burying his head into his neck again as he said, “Do you really need to describe it that way?”

“Well, honesty is always the best policy, Shiro-chan.”

Toshiro just let out another humiliated groan. Yukio squeezed his hand this time to show his support.

“We also own a bookstore,” Jushiro said, trying to steer the conversation in a less humiliating direction and Toshiro gave him a look of gratitude. "It’s only open Friday through Sunday and Toshiro had been giving us a hand until this year but we’ve managed to hire a couple of people to take his place. I guess we don’t need to wonder where all that freed up time went,” Jushiro finished with a smile.

Yukio couldn’t help but smile back at him, even if he was teasing him. He could clearly see who Toshiro had picked up his kindness from. 

“Alright,” Shunsui said with a sigh and then grinned, “Obviously we lost this one a while ago, Jushiro. I approved of Yukio here being allowed to date our Toshiro.”

“As do I,” Jushiro agreed, still smiling.

Toshiro grinned and hugged him against his side while Yukio gave him his most brilliant smile.

“Now that we’ve done our primary duty and interrogated our son’s new boyfriend, I believe it's time to move onto our second duty. Yukio, would you care to look through old family photos while Shiro-chan pretends to be mortified?” Shusui asked with a smug, expectant look on his face.

Yukio laughed and nodded enthusiastically, privately thinking that Toshiro would not be pretending. Toshiro glared at Shunsui but otherwise said nothing, seemingly accepting his fate. His face softened as he turned back to Yukio who was still laughing, stopping abruptly when he felt Toshiro peck him on the cheek, feeling his face instantly flush. “I’m trusting you, not a word of this to anyone.”

Yukio gave him a highly amused look and Toshiro grinned, giving him another quick kiss on the cheek before Shunsui returned with several photo albums.

What followed was more information of Toshiro’s life pre-senior high than he was really prepared for but he loved every minute of it. Toshiro was growing into an incredibly handsome man but little Toshiro had been beyond adorable. Yukio had never seen a cuter kid. 

There were several pictures with an elderly woman and a girl slightly older than the age Toshiro appeared to be in the photos and Yukio pointed at them questioningly. Toshiro explained that the woman was his late grandmother and the girl was a cousin from his father’s side, Jushiro being his mother’s brother. 

Apparently his parents had died in a car accident when he was very young while he was being babysat by Granny. She continued to care for him until she herself passed away from an illness when Toshiro was in grade school, his uncles caring for him ever since. Toshiro had pushed everyone out of his life after losing Granny, including the cousin he had once been good friends with, and it had taken a long time for his uncles to get him to open up to them and even longer for Toshiro to make friends.

Yukio realised that they were very similar in their issues with trusting others, even if the causes were completely different - Toshiro’s being the general cruelty of life and loss while Yukio’s was neglect and torment. He felt even closer to him though, knowing that Toshiro also understood what that loneliness felt like, and he was so proud of how far he had come to be the boy he had met all of those years ago. He had had no idea back then how hard Toshiro’s life had been before. He had overcome it and become so strong. Yukio hoped he would manage that himself one day. With Toshiro by his side, he thought maybe he actually could.

Yukio stayed the whole day, leaving shortly after dinner with Toshiro who insisted on walking him home after a stern warning from Shunsui that he was to return at a reasonable time. Yukio hadn’t admitted that he lived alone and Toshiro had neglected to inform them. Yukio felt a little bad because they probably assumed there would also be parental supervision at Yukio’s place but then again, they hadn’t asked, and Yukio didn’t want to endanger Toshiro’s ability to come over. 

“Well I’m glad that’s over,” Toshiro sighed later as he flopped onto Yukio’s bed. Yukio put on a playlist practically out of habit but lowered the volume as there was no Ichigo and Rukia in the livingroom to drown out.

“They’re nice,” Yukio responded as he snuggled into him, curling against his side with his head against his chest. “You’re lucky.”

“I know,” Toshiro said quietly, nuzzling the top of his blonde hair. “They’re just too much sometimes and it makes me uncomfortable. Not with you though.” Yukio felt Toshiro’s lips curl into a smile as he pressed them against his hair in a brief kiss before continuing, “For some reason, I don’t mind much of anything when you’re with me. You keep me relaxed.”

“Same,” Yukio agreed, tilting up his head to look up at him. Emerald met teal and Yukio shivered at the way those eyes darkened, the way Toshiro’s hands came to rest on his waist, calloused fingers slipping under the hem of his shirt to rub against his skin.

“I probably have about another hour before I have to return for it to still be considered a ‘reasonable time’,” Toshiro said, his voice low.

Yukio’s breath hitched at the tone before asking, “What should we do?”

Toshiro’s expression gained a bit of mischievousness but it did nothing to lighten the clear desire in those teal eyes. He pulled Yukio up against him, bringing him into a kiss and moved them until Yukio was practically laying over him, their legs tangled together, Yukio’s hands fisting into Toshiro’s shirt over his chest, Toshiro’s fingers moving to draw nonsensical designs against his lower back.

This kiss was deep but slow, Toshiro encouraging Yukio to participate, teasing him, but never fully taking control or increasing the intensity. Yukio appreciated it, learning how to position himself better, how to breath through his nose so he didn’t have to pull away from that amazing mouth. There was no purpose in this kiss other than learning about each other, figuring each other out and shedding their inexperience together. There was no rush, no pressure, only learning and a slow burning warmth. Yukio lost track of time, this could last forever as far as he was concerned, but Toshiro’s internal clock seemed to be working, gently pushing him back around an hour later.

“Do you really need to go?” Yukio pouted even though he knew the answer. He was sprawled out on his back, one hand clasping the hem of Toshiro’s t-shirt.

“Yes, unfortunately,” Toshiro responded, sitting on the edge of the bed as he played with the blonde hair on the left side of his face, petting his left cheek and smiling down at him, gaze shifting between one vibrant emerald eye and one dull one. Yukio shivered intensely at the touch, just now realising how sensitive the left side of his face seemed to be, likely a consequence of constantly keeping it covered with his hair. Toshiro noticed, of course, and grinned down at him, intentionally repeating the caress.

“Don’t tease me if you’re leaving,” Yukio pleaded, his voice strained and his face flushed.

“I can’t help it, you’re just so incredibly responsive to practically anything I do. I think I’m quickly becoming addicted,” Toshiro said, his voice husky as he leaned down and kissed him soundly again.

Yukio moaned into it, wanting to pull him down at the far more passionate kiss but Toshiro pulled away quickly with a grin and said, “Besides, if I obey my curfew, I can come back over tomorrow. I’ll spend your last day with you before the world considers you an adult.”

Yukio was far more appeased with that assurance and sat up with a smile. “Alright, you win,” he said and then led him out to his door where they shared another quick kiss.

“Tomorrow,” Yukio murmured, hating to let him go.

“Tomorrow,” Toshiro agreed before starting home, waving back at him as he walked.

And until he vanished around a corner, Yukio just stared after him, an impossibly large smile on his face.

He still couldn’t believe this was his life now. 

That Toshiro was his, that they were together. 

That they would soon be going to university, together.

And if he had his way, they would continue to share their lives together.

Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter this fic will earn it's M rating. You have been forewarned.


	9. Chapter 9

“Did you pick up my suit, love?”

“Bedroom closet.”

“I don’t understand why they’re having the ceremony so early, clearly Byakuya had a hand in this.”

Yukio smiled as he watched his boyfriend of four amazing years make his way from the bathroom to the bedroom of the hotel they were staying at, fully taking in his bare form on display.

Toshiro was twenty now and completely filled out. He was almost as tall as Ichigo so Yukio had to constantly look up to meet his eyes, having not grown a single inch himself since their highschool graduation. Toshiro had continued playing soccer while they were at Oxford and he had beautiful, tight, sculpted muscles to show for it. Yukio was already dressed but he found himself following after the siren that was still singing lightly to himself from the shower.

He came behind him when Toshiro stopped in front of the closet, one hand coming to caress his sharp hip while the other wrapped around to trace over the lines of his abs. Toshiro quickly caught both hands in his own, spinning around and pulling Yukio’s behind his back, grabbing both his slight wrists with one hand and using the other to capture his chin. The movement was so fast it left Yukio a bit light headed but he grinned up at him.

Toshiro’s hair was just as unruly but it was thicker now, his spikes laying slightly flatter against his head but still just as soft and brilliant white. His eyes weren’t as rounded as they had been when he was younger but that piercing teal remained the same. Yukio gulped as they narrowed at him and he playfully tried to release his wrists from the hand that held them captive but there was little effort behind it. He loved it when Toshiro had control like this and the beautiful man knew it. 

“Now, what has gotten into you hm?” Toshiro all but purred down at him, an amused glint in his teal eyes.

“Want you,” Yukio said immediately, his visible emerald eye darkening at the admission, sweeping across the beautiful body in front of him, fully on display, watching as Toshiro became half hard at the overly appreciative look and need in the blonde’s voice.

Toshiro just smirked down at him, “Well you can’t have me right now. We don’t have the time. That is exactly why we took seperate showers to begin with, remember? You. Will. Wait. Now, be a good imp and let me get dressed.”

Yukio pouted, “But now I’m going to have to go the rest of the day without touching you when you’re in front of me like this! That’s not fair...”

Toshiro chuckled, “I’m sure you can restrain yourself.”

Toshiro clearly had more faith in him than he deserved.

The taller man shook his head a bit in amusement and finally released him. _Big mistake._

Yukio immediately dropped to his knees in front of him, his small hands grabbing at those cut hips and his mouth immediately taking in that long, heavy cock.

Toshiro groaned low, his hand clutching at Yukio’s messy blonde hair, but didn’t pull him off and Yukio knew he’d won. They wouldn’t be late, he didn’t plan on letting Toshiro last long anyway, he just needed to taste him. He needed it _now_.

Yukio relaxed his throat, taking him down to the root in a fluid motion, his tongue moving against the hardened length just the way he knew would drive Toshiro insane. He knew if he pushed enough Toshiro would take control and Yukio wanted nothing more in that moment than to be utterly used by his incredibly sexy boyfriend. He wanted his jaw sore for the rest of the day as a reminder.

Toshiro’s sounds were growing louder above him and Yukio moaned around the length in his mouth before swallowing around it, holding those hips still as he kept him deepthroated, not letting any other friction than his tongue teasing the base and his throat constricting around the head with each swallow.

Toshiro growled at him when he lost it, forcing his hips to retreat as Yukio’s hold couldn’t hope to keep him still, and then snapping them back. Yukio’s grip turned from constraining to encouraging as he followed Toshiro’s lead, pushing and pulling in tandem with his hips as he relaxed his throat as well as he could, his moans sending vibrations along the long length as Toshiro quickly fucked his mouth, hands buried in his blonde hair and holding his head steady. 

Even though Yukio knew Toshiro barely had any control right now, he had done it on purpose after all, he still knew that Toshiro was being careful not to hurt him. His thrusts were fast and deep but they were also straight and exceedingly accurate to cause Yukio the least amount of damage. Yukio loved being used like this by Toshiro but a great deal of that was because of how deep his trust ran for him, knowing that even like this, his sanity at a thread, he was still taking care of him.

Toshiro didn’t last long at all, just as Yukio had wanted. His last thrust had him releasing deep down Yukio’s throat as the smaller swallowed around him, not releasing him until he’d consumed every last drop. He stood up with a smirk on his face, taking in Toshiro’s heaving, flushed chest and molten teal eyes.

“That was very disobedient of you, Yukio,” Toshiro stated darkly and Yukio practically purred at the tone even as he shivered at the warning in it.

“We’ll still be on time,” Yukio tried to placate but he knew it wouldn’t matter. It wasn’t about being late anymore.

“I told you that you would wait. You did not.”

Toshiro and he had worked out a couple of years ago that Yukio had a huge submissive fetish. It took them becoming fully intimate to bring it out in full, Yukio becoming practically catatonic with pleasure the first time Toshiro had taken complete control during sex, not allowing him to move, not allowing him to make a sound, not allowing him to release until told to do so. Toshiro didn’t even seem that surprised and took it in stride, simply adding to his list of research topics ‘how to be a good dominant’. Their dynamic didn’t even change that much; Toshiro had been subconsciously taking care of Yukio in that manner and partially treating him that way for years without really realizing it. And Toshiro enjoyed giving his Yukio what he needed.

Even when what was needed was punishing his imp of a submissive when he directly disobeyed.

“Go and bend over the bed with your pants pulled down but do not otherwise undress yourself. We do not have much time left and I will not be late for this. You will keep your hands above your head, your sight focused on nothing but the bed, your knees as far apart as your slacks will allow, and you will stay put. Understand?”

Yukio nodded and quickly complied. He would disobey like this on purpose sometimes just because he enjoyed Toshiro’s version of punishment. He knew not to push him though. One week of Toshiro using his body to achieve repeated orgasms while not allowing Yukio a single one had been enough of a lesson to prevent him from ever becoming too much of a brat again. To be fair though he had almost made him late for a _final_.

Yukio jumped slightly when he felt cool, lubricated fingers at his entrance. Toshiro didn’t tease him at all and the process was almost clinical as he stretched him open, just enough to slide a small, oblong object deep inside until it was pressed up against his prostate. Yukio cried out when he felt it and then keened when those wonderful fingers were removed. He was gently flipped over, that object inside of him not moving a bit, and he groaned as a cockring was placed around his hard length.

“Good imp. Now stand up and fix your clothes. We’re leaving.” Toshiro briskly walked away from him and Yukio heard the facet run in the bathroom, his boyfriend clearly washing the lubricant from his hands. 

He understood what he had done to him of course, this wasn’t the first time. The small object inside of him would be a vibrator that would go off at random intervals. Toshiro didn’t even have a controller for it, he said it made the punishment more fair if Yukio could trust that he wasn’t ever activating it intentionally. The cockring was a necessary precaution as much as it was a punishment in itself. Yukio would not be able to relieve himself on purpose or unintentionally from the stimulation of the vibrater. 

He really shouldn’t have forced his boyfriend’s hand like this on today of all days but that was part of what excited Yukio. That he would be surrounded by people, close friends, acquaintances, and strangers alike, and none of them would know. Toshiro would punish him further if he allowed any outward signs of the vibrator’s effect on him.

Then he felt it go off inside him, eyes closing softly at the feeling and he smiled. Toshiro had put it on the lightest setting and Yukio knew that, although technically a punishment, this was exactly what he had needed to get through today. 

The gentle pulse was just barely enough for him to feel, to catch his attention and remind him that it was Toshiro that had put it there, that in this small way he was still with him even when they were apart. He knew the intervals would be far between on this setting and he wasn’t worried in the slightest that he could handle it or that it would distract him. On the contrary, it would likely ground his thoughts in much the same way Toshiro’s touch did. Toshiro more than likely already knew this and Yukio’s smile became even more warm as he thought about how well Toshiro took care of him. How well he just understood what he needed.

He fixed his clothes in a way so that it wouldn’t show if he became excited or not and took a deep breath.

Today was going to be a long day.

But it was worth it, and the gentle, unexpected pulse within him would certainly distract him enough to keep his lingering social anxiety at bay.

Besides, Toshiro would be with him, watching him, and Yukio trusted him to always take care of him.

Even while they were attending Rukia and Ichigo’s wedding.

Toshiro still held his hand whenever they were together, only ever letting go when he really needed to or when they had to part, as was the case when they reached the altar. He gave a familiar squeeze before releasing him, taking his place beside Ichigo while Yukio turned and took his place on the other side of the aisle.

Ichigo looked very handsome, his black suit gave a wonderful contrast to his vibrant orange hair which he had grown out to feather around his neck, bangs falling around his chocolate eyes. Yukio’s eyes slid to Toshiro and he just stared at his gorgeous boyfriend, the black of the suit an even sharper contrast on him than it was on Ichigo. Emerald found teal and they held each other’s gaze until the change in music indicated Rukia’s arrival and they both glanced to the end of the aisle.

Rukia was beautiful. Her dress was sheer around her shoulders, the material extending all the way to her hands, secured there by a catch around her middle fingers. White, opaque designs were stitched on top, making her skin appear frosted with ice. The boduce was fitted around her bust and waist with the long skirt flared out below. The sheer material extended down over the top of it and a long veil of the same sheer material was attached to a diadem upon her head, contrasting beautifully against her raven hair.

She was escorted by her brother who had a very regal air about him as always, his long raven hair encased in kenseikan, his suit matching the cut and style of the other three men. His left arm had a gentle hold on Rukia’s right as he guided her, his face still stoic however Yukio was sure he saw the briefest, smallest smile when her bright violet eyes caught his slate grey ones.

When he reached Ichigo he passed Rukia’s right hand for him to take with a hard look. Ichigo didn’t falter though, excepting with a determined nod. Byakuya’s face softened considerably when he turned to Rukia and gave her a gentle kiss to her forehead as he lifted the veil for her. Then he was gone, promptly taking his seat.

As they exchanged vows, Yukio couldn’t help but wonder if he and Toshiro would follow suit one day. If they would be the ones vowing in front of family and friends to love and cherish each other as Rukia and Ichigo stood by their sides. Yukio smiled at them, glancing at Toshiro repeatedly and somehow he just knew the other shared his thoughts as those teal eyes met his more than once before focusing back on their friends. He wouldn’t vow for until death bid them part, however. He’d already vowed to love Toshiro forever.

The kiss shared by Ichigo and Rukia at the close of the ceremony was very sweet and Yukio felt joy at seeing the deep love and happiness shining clearly on both of their faces. The reception was to be held immediately at a seperate location so they all made their way over to the venue for a formal lunch followed by a dance.

Toasts were made for the couple, leading off with Byakuya and followed by Ichigo’s father, Isshin. Yukio was greatly amused at how polar opposite the two sides of the family were but knew that they both cared about the couple in their own way so he wasn’t worried about it. Yukio could understand Byakuya’s frustration and admired his patience however when Isshin, who had demanded a seat next to him for an enormous photo of his late wife, began crying to said photo midway through his toast.

Toshiro’s toast was short and succinct, simply congratulating them, saying he knew that they would do well together, and that he wished for their continued happiness.

Then it was Yukio’s turn.

He stood, Toshiro’s hand discreetly at his lower back, rubbing soothing circles. He also felt that gentle pulse deep within him and he smiled as he gathered himself. He could do this.

“Ichigo is very lucky to have Rukia in his life,” Yukio began as he smiled at the couple. Ichigo nodded to him, giving him a warm smile and then Yukio’s emerald eye slid to look into bright, surprised violet. “I know I am. I would not be able to do this today if it weren’t for her friendship. Rukia, you are one of the most considerate, headstrong, compassionate people I know. It’s in large part because of you that I became who I am today, that I was able to finally talk to the love of my life, that I’m able to speak now as you officially start your life with yours. 

“I could never thank you enough, no words in and of themselves can adequately express it. I just hope, the fact that I’m able to say anything at all, here, in front of all these people, can convey how far I’ve come, and that you know it was you that began me on that journey. I love you Rukia, you’re the sister I didn’t even know I needed, and I don’t think you could have made a better choice. Ichigo, you better take care of her. You will never do better.”

“I know,” Ichigo agreed, his chocolate gaze also watching his now blushing wife.

“Cheers,” Yukio finished, raising his glass, immediately gripping Toshiro’s hand tightly as he sat back down. He’d done it, he couldn’t believe it. And his voice had remained steady the whole time. Rukia stood and came over to hug him, crying. She hadn’t expected him to participate, had not asked him to. This had been a surprise kept between Ichigo, Toshiro, and himself. But seeing her reaction, her pride and joy, it definitely made it worth it.

He couldn’t believe how far they had all come, how close they still were.

How much he had grown, gained, and achieved.

Because of them, their belief in him, that he could, that he was able to, that he was worthy enough of this.

Of real friends.

Of real love.

Of _real_ family.


	10. Chapter 10

The wedding reception had lasted far too long for Yukio as he realised that Toshiro had somehow found a different setting on the toy within him that Yukio hadn’t even known existed. He had been right, for the first few hours of the day, lasting through the wedding itself and the entirety of the dinner, the pulses from the device remained light and rare. However, as the dance went on, he realised that it was running on some prolonged program that was slowly but steadily increasing both the strength and rate of the pulses.

By the time Toshiro had brought them back home, Yukio was on his last nerve keeping the effects from showing. As soon as they were in their room, Toshiro kissed him firmly, understanding the condition his petite boyfriend was in and praising him for doing so well with his punishment and how proud he was for how he conducted himself that day.

“I want you to go to the bedroom and remove all your clothes. Get onto your hands and knees on the bed and wait for me. You’ve been so good today, love. I’m so proud of you.”

Yukio was released with one last kiss and he immediately went to comply with his directions. The vibrator was practically constantly on now and he shook as he removed his clothes, his cock leaking but unable to orgasm with the cockring still wrapped tightly around him. He got into position on the bed and sighed in relief that he didn’t have to wait long, feeling the bed dip behind him and Toshiro’s calloused hands on his lower back and ass, petting him in a soothing motion.

He heard the lid of the lubricant and moaned as slick fingers entered him, stretching gently and reaching for the vibrator. He groaned as it was pulled out and had to stop himself from collapsing at the relief of no longer having such a constant assault on his prostate. After all, Toshiro had not said he could move yet and he didn’t want another punishment.

Toshiro noticed immediately of course and said, “Go ahead and move if you need to, love. You’ve been so good.”

Yukio didn’t need to be told twice, letting his front collapse against the pillow, his arms wrapping around it. Toshiro was actually preparing him properly now, his fingers focused on stretching him but intentionally not hitting that overworked bundle of nerves inside him. Yukio breathed through it, just feeling the gentle caress within him. Toshiro was winding him back down, allowing the small pain of preparation to settle Yukio’s frayed nerves and calm his breathing. He was still unfalteringly hard but he could handle it better, the need didn’t feel all consuming as it had when they arrived.

By the time Toshiro moved on to using three of his fingers, Yukio was blissed out, breathing deeply into the pillow, his hips swaying gently but not in a way that would force Toshiro deeper or alter his movements in any way. Yukio didn’t even realize he was doing it.

He was gently turned over and the cockring was finially removed, though by this time he was calm enough to control his orgasm so it was nothing but another relief to him.

“Everything alright, imp?” Toshiro asked, smiling down at him. 

Yukio nodded with his own smile.

“Good. Now, tell me what you did wrong,” Toshiro instructed, petting the left side of Yukio’s face and playing with the long blonde bangs, but otherwise keeping the firm body from touching him.

“I disobeyed a direct order from my Sir.” The answer was immediate, Yukio knew exactly what he had done.

“And why, imp, did you do that?”

“Because I needed you, I needed to feel you somehow before facing today,” this admission was a bit more shaky but only because he didn’t like admitting his weakness to himself. He knew Toshiro wouldn’t think any less of him.

“If you could not have handled it, I would not have instructed you to wait,” Toshiro’s voice was firm above him and Yukio looked appropriately scolded.

“I know, I’m sorry Sir.”

“Do you think you’ve been adequately punished for not trusting in my judgement?”

When he put it like that, Yukio paled. He had not meant that at all but he realized that that was exactly what had happened. He was so in his own head, so concerned and needing a distraction, that he hadn’t trusted Toshiro’s judgement that he could make it through without the crutch. And yet had still relented when Yukio had disobeyed.

“No,” he whispered out, both in answer and in reaction. He needed to somehow prove to Toshiro that he trusted him completely; he hated that he had allowed his weakness to overcome his faith in his partner.

Teal eyes softened and Yukio could tell Toshiro knew what was going through his head. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, love. I knew this morning as soon as you hit your knees that you needed the extra support, if just to feel more confident in yourself. That’s why I didn’t stop you. You know I could have. But you need to learn to trust my judgement better about these things, you’ve grown beyond _needing_ this. It’s fine to still want it, I love that you do and I’ll continue to provide whatever you your heart desires. But you need to understand that you don’t _need_ these reassurances anymore. The only one in your way is yourself now.” 

Toshiro kissed him gently and then locked eyes with him again and Yukio knew he was about to receive the second half of his punishment by the stern expression on that handsome face. “For the way you disobeyed me, you may only come inside my mouth tonight, no other way. You will be in charge of monitoring yourself in this endeavor and you are to speak your need to me if anything I do to you becomes too much for you to stop yourself."

Yukio grimmissed but nodded. This was more of a real punishment for him. He didn’t like voicing what he needed to Toshiro, knowing he could easily tell without the words. He knew he was being serious though and would only alter what he was doing at Yukio’s say so, not because of what Yukio’s body would be communicating to him. That was the punishment part. He had to earn back the ability to rely on Toshiro’s judgement because that is what he had so stupidly, albeit accidentally put into question earlier.

“Good imp,” Toshiro said and then he immediately buried himself inside the smaller body beneath him in one strong thrust, the tip of his long length soundly connecting with that bundle of nerves inside of him. Yukio bit his bottom lip at the sensation, holding back his orgasm just barely. Toshiro knew exactly how to make him come undone and this was going to be a difficult, albeit highly pleasurable, punishment to get through.

“Stop! Need a minute!” Yukio called out and Toshiro obeyed, stilling deep inside him as Yukio breathed through the pleasure, keeping himself from tipping over the edge and forcing himself back down through sheer will. He didn’t need to adjust, there hadn’t been any pain from Toshiro’s ridiculously thorough preparation. He needed a minute to get himself under control.

Yukio shakily nodded when he thought he could handle it and Toshiro began to move, thrusting shallowly at first but quickly picking up speed and force. His hand slid from Yukio’s hips to below his thighs, tilting them higher and bending Yukio in half, sinking in even deeper with each thrust as he assaulted the blonde’s neck, sucking on the skin and grazing it with his teeth, leaving behind a dark blemish before moving to another patch, unmarked, and repeating the process.

Yukio panted, controlling himself was so hard with Toshiro driving into him so perfectly. He wanted to come with him, for them to do so together. But as pleasurable as this was this was the punishment he had brought on himself. He hadn’t waited earlier and so he was forced to do so now.

Toshiro’s thrusts became less even, faster, and then Yukio felt him bite down on the patch of neck he had been sucking on as he groaned, the feeling of being filled following immediately after. Yukio clenched his teeth and resisted his own organsm, again.

Toshiro was kissing his neck now, whispering praise against him for doing so well, for controlling himself while Toshiro used him for his own pleasure. Yukio could also feel him flexing inside of him, keeping himself within and slowly becoming hard once more.

Toshiro’s mouth wandered lower and he found a nipple, teasing it with his tongue before sucking, his calloused fingers rough against the other. He was fully hard again and buried deep, rolling his hips so that the tip continuously brushed against Yukio’s prostate.

Yukio’s breathing was becoming ragged at the assault, the noises coming from his mouth a mixture of whines and moans as he bit back against another oncoming orgasm. Eventually it became too much and he was forced to cry out, “Stop, I can’t, please, I need- a break.”

Toshiro stilled again, his mouth pressing closed-mouth kisses against his chest, his hands only gently petting his sides. Yukio was breathing deeply, bringing himself back down. He hated doing it himself, being the one in control like this, but he could get through this. Toshiro would never set him up to fail and this was an important lesson on him trusting his partner.

“I’m alright now,” Yukio said after a couple minutes after he composed himself a little. 

Toshiro gave him a sweet kiss on the mouth before saying against his lips, “You’ve done so well, love. Wrap around me and hold on.”

Yukio complied instantly, his legs wrapping securely around Toshiro’s waist and his arms around his shoulders. Toshiro also wrapped his arms below him before turning over in a fluid motion, repositioning Yukio with light touches so that he was perched on top of him, still buried deep inside. 

Yukio groaned at how much deeper he felt in this position, his hips moving of their own accord in a circular motion. He usually loved this position, loved driving Toshiro mad with need until he took control from below. But Toshiro had said explicitly that he wasn’t to come unless it was in his mouth and he realised this would be a sweet torture. Toshiro would likely not take control of him, he’d already come once already and Yukio knew from past experience that his ability to drive Toshiro mad with need would be hindered by that fact alone, not to mention that he was always unnervingly focused when disciplining his imp.

“You remember your first instruction, imp?” Toshiro asked, his voice was deep and commanding. Yukio couldn’t suppress his shiver.

“Yes Sir.”

“Repeat it.”

Yukio blushed but complied, “I may only come inside your mouth tonight, no other way. I am to monitor myself and tell you when anything you do becomes too much for me to do so.”

“Good imp. Now, are you ready for your second instruction?”

“Yes Sir.”

“You are going to ride me imp, until you make me come again. You are going to do this by riding me alone. Do not use your hands except to steady yourself. Also, lean forward so I can clip your hair.”

Yukio’s blush became far darker. Toshiro would do this quite often. He would use a hair clip, which he always kept within reach whenever they were together like this, so that he could pin his hair back to reveal the left side of his face. Yukio wasn’t self conscious about it anymore, and did _that_ ever take a long time, but he always melted inside at the fact that Toshiro wanted to see his whole face when watching his reactions, ugly, unseeing left eye and all.

Toshiro deftly grabbed the clip from the bedside table as Yukio obediently leaned against him, hovering above his chest. Those calloused hands combed through his messy blonde hair before swiping back his bangs and securing them to the side with the clip. Teal eyes flickered between the slightly mismatched emerald, smiling gently before pulling Yukio down a bit further to place a gentle kiss on each eyelid.

“So beautiful,” he murmured lowly before pushing on Yukio’s chest to get him to sit up. “Now,” the command back in his voice, “repeat your second instruction.”

“I am to make you come from riding you. I may only use my hands to support myself.”

“Good imp,” Toshiro praised with a caress to his hip. “Begin.”

Yukio began to circle his hips slowly but being mindful to not overstimulate himself. He would have to last through this after all. It still felt amazing and he was soon moaning above the perfectly toned body of his boyfriend. Not being able to tease and run his hands over those perfect muscles was another torture in and of itself. 

He kept his eyes locked on Toshiro’s. He knew it was a huge fetish of the white-haired man to see both his mismatched eyes as well as seeing and hearing every open reaction from him. Yukio was going to use every weapon he had. He was getting desperate having had to bring himself back from the brink multiple times now and he sensed he’d soon get his reward for doing so well.

He just had to make Toshiro come first. That was something he was confident he could do.

He rose off him, nearly all the way, before sliding back down, hard, circling his hips as Toshiro bottomed out within him. He repeated the motions in a slow rhythm, allowing his voice to flow over Toshiro in appreciation of the amazing feeling. His emerald eyes stayed locked onto teal even as they became half lidded, watching as those teal eyes became even darker, almost green themselves.

As much as knowing he would have to control himself and be in control of this the entire time was torture, watching the beautiful man below him become a panting, groaning mess was definately worth it. Toshiro didn’t get to experience Yukio remaining in control very often seeing as they both loved it so much when Toshiro seized it for himself. So, even though this was exhausting and a bit trying for the blonde, he took advantage of the rare sight, burning it into his memory.

He was watching intently as he moved above him, slowly increasing his pace, and he noticed immediately when Toshiro’s expression changed, his eyelids fluttering over those teal eyes before clenching them shut only to force them open a moment later, his voice releasing a deep groan. Yukio knew he was close and increased his pace significantly, slamming down on him as hard as he could while keeping a steady pace, squeezing himself around him as he bore down. 

Yukio was amazed that Toshiro was still able to keep his hips perfectly still, forcing Yukio to retain complete control of the movement. After a few more thrusts at this pace Yukio got the privilege of watching his beautiful Toshiro lose himself in pleasure, crying out his name as he released inside him for the second time. Yukio pushed against him, rolling his hips slightly to help him ride out the pleasure, purposefully clenching down around him. Those teal eyes were rolled up, mouth panting, face flushed, and Yukio was proud of himself. He had to fight down his own organsm again at the sight but it wasn’t as difficult as the other times, being in control putting a slight dampening effect of his own arousal.

Yukio kept up the small rolling of his hips. Toshiro hadn’t instructed him to stop yet and he knew better than to do so without permission. After several minutes of the slow rolling, Toshiro caught his breath and reached up to pull Yukio down to his mouth for a deep kiss, Toshiro finally moving his own hips as he ground into him, his length steadily becoming hard again. Yukio briefly wondered if he would get fucked from the bottom after all before he was rolled over onto his back.

This time Toshiro slipped out of him and steadily kissed around his face, his neck, his chest. Yukio was moaning, both at the treatment and at finally being able to release control. He felt his hands being drawn up above his head and almost cried in relief when he felt a soft ribbon bind them together. Toshiro was petting him while delivering those soft butterfly kisses, murmuring praise against his skin.

“You’re almost done, love. I need you to count down from 100 for me, alright? I’ll count with you so you’ll hear me and you’re allowed to watch me.” Yukio nodded and started the count, pausing between each number, listening to Toshiro’s voice as it joined his. At 95 he felt Toshiro leave him but he focused on the count as well as watched him move, easily pushing down the instinctual feeling of abandonment. 

Toshiro quickly darted to the bathroom and Yukio could hear the facet run. He made sure to breathe between each number, concentrating on the sound of Toshiro’s voice counting with him from the next room, knowing he was still with him even if not in his sight. He would never abandon him.

By 23 Toshiro reemerged and slid back onto the bed next to Yukio, a washcloth and tall glass of water in his hands. He had already cleaned himself off and he gently opened Yukio’s legs to do the same to his petite boyfriend. The cloth was warm and Yukio relaxed at the feeling, slightly overwhelmed at the feeling of warmth that blossomed in his chest from feeling so well cared for.

The cloth was dropped off the side of the bed, its job done, and Yukio felt himself being lifted slightly and the glass pressed to his lips. He took only a couple of swallows before it was taken away, replaced upon the bedside table. Toshiro arranged him to comfortably rest on his back, his head against a soft pillow, before climbing over him in the opposite direction, hot breath against Yukio’s own hard length as he said, “One last task, love.”

Yukio looked above him at the half hard cock just above his lips and he didn’t have to ask for clarification. This would be the largest challenge. From this position, Yukio knew Toshiro would keep his hips still so as not to hurt him at all but that also meant all of the motion would need to come from him. His hands were still bound so he couldn’t use that to help him. And Toshiro had already come. Twice. And while Yukio was sure he could again, it would still take far longer. This would be very different from this morning and Yukio wasn’t keen on those differences. Still, Yukio wasn’t really supposed to be enjoying everything about this, he was being disciplined after all. At least he knew he’d feel accomplished if he managed this and again, he knew Toshiro would never set him up to fail.

And that was the point. He had to fully internalize that. 

Toshiro _knew_ him, his strengths, his weaknesses, everything he was capable of, especially when Yukio didn’t know himself.

He would push him to his limits at times but he would never place him in a position he wasn’t able to handle.

He would only fail by not trusting in Toshiro’s judgment, not believing in himself, in his partner.

That’s what had happened during his lapse that morning.

He had learned his lesson. And he would show him now.

He tilted his head to lick at the head of Toshiro’s length and groaned as he felt Toshiro mirror the movement on his own. He opened his mouth to take in the head, tongue swirling around and dipping into the slit to taste the liquid that started to pool. Toshiro was now pressing kisses and licking up Yukio’s length but had not taken him inside his mouth. Yukio had a blinding realization that he wouldn’t, not until he had accomplished this. There was no way he’d be able to verbally warn him off before that sinful mouth brought him to orgasm, even with those gentle touches alone. He had been far too stimulated for far too long.

Toshiro seemed to sense his slight panic and pet his thigh comfortingly. “Don’t worry love, I’ve got you now. I’ll listen to your body and stop you from coming myself if I need to, just focus on your task. Trust me. You can do this. You’re doing so well, love.”

Assured, Yukio completely relaxed into the bed and began his task enthusiastically, knowing that would work best on Toshiro in this position, showing him that he _did_ trust him, completely.

Yukio alternated between long licks from base to tip and teasing just the head with his mouth wrapped around until he could see the tremors in Toshiro’s legs. All the while he could feel Toshiro’s soft lips and tongue against his own cock and sometimes his balls but he would pause occasionally, keeping Yukio fully excited but never pushing him to the edge. 

At the change in composure in the body above him, Yukio began to take him fully into his mouth, having to work slowly because of the angle. He was still able to take him all the way into his throat but he couldn’t hold it for long, swallowing only twice before he had to back off of him a bit. The keening whine from his partner made the odd angle worth it though and he repeated the motion, setting up a pace of a few shallow bobs of his head followed by one deep one, sucking and swallowing as hard as he could until he had to retreat. The pace was not consistent, but Yukio could tell Toshiro was getting close just the same. 

It was painfully slow going, on both of them, until finally with one last deep swallow Toshiro released with a shout of Yukio’s name. Yukio had allowed his head to lower, slipping Toshiro out until just the head remained so he could swallow more easily, being flat on his back making the motion difficult enough without the added constriction of Toshiro’s long length partially down his throat. He managed though and when he released him he was clean and Yukio indeed felt a bit proud of himself.

Toshiro recovered fairly quickly and then Yukio practically cried when he was taken deep into his mouth. Yukio would not last long, he was wound so tight. All it took was Toshiro deepthroating him down to the root in one clean motion, and Yukio felt a wave of pleasure crash over him, setting off his release as he swallowed around him.

Yukio wasn’t even aware of Toshiro moving them as he was tucked against him, propped up against the headboard. He registered the glass of water at his lips and gratefully drank, this time being allowed half the glass before Toshiro pulled it away to drink some himself.

Yukio’s eye focused on his now free hands in his lap and then lolled his head back to gaze into smiling teal eyes.

“How do you feel, imp?”

“Perfect,” Yukio whispered. And he did. He had needed this, all of it. The lesson, the care, the overwhelming _love_.

“What have you learned, love?”

“Trust you, always.”

“And do you?”

Yukio nuzzled his neck, placing a kiss before looking back into deep teal eyes.

Trusting Toshiro was never the issue. Toshiro had earned that well before they officially started dating.

Before the peaceful evenings beside one another on his bed.

Before pulling his legs up to rest on his thighs as they relaxed together on the couch.

Before holding his hand as he waited with him after school on Fridays.

Before he kissed the back of his hand in parting, one odd Thursday night.

Before he would hold one sided conversations with him, sitting beside him after a showing at that old, smalltown cinema.

Back when Yukio had given his first name.

And Toshiro had extended his hand, giving his in return.

No, the problem was never his trust in Toshiro. 

The problem was that, even now, he still struggled to have faith in himself.

But Yukio was beginning to understand that, if Toshiro believed in him, he could trust in his judgement. That even when he didn’t think he could, all he had to do was trust that Toshiro _knew_ he could.

And even if that solution wasn’t perfect, it would do for now. And someday, maybe he could learn to see in himself what Toshiro saw so clearly.

“Always, Toshiro. I’ll always trust you.”

The pair smiled at each other and Yukio knew he understood. 

And though he worried he would make more mistakes in the future, he _knew_ three things for certain.

He loved Toshiro, unconditionally.

Toshiro returned that love, unfalteringly.

And even when words escaped him, when all he had left was silence…

Toshiro always, _always_ , understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Fin. This has been really enjoyable to write. I can see room for another fic focusing on their time at Oxford but for now this is going to be considered complete. If I do decide to write out their time there, I will join the two as a part of a series and alter this note accordingly. Till then, if you've made it this far, I hope you've left some kudos and could spare time to review. 
> 
> Special thanks to Lethan for starting me on this challenge and to Ran for keeping me encouraged enough to keep going so quickly. I send my love to you both!


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